I need some advice

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  • #46390 Report


    I am Mum to a 12 year old boy who because of her job now is now not the main carer to him due to me working shifts which include unsociable hours but working my dream job that I wanted to do for years. I have terrible Mum guilt as I was the main carer for him but needed to earn more money to pay my bills and mortgage. My ex married the woman he cheated on me with and after finding out about the affair a lot of domestic violence ensued. He refused to see his son for 12 weeks but now having separated from her he has his son more now as he’s on his own and due to Covid lockdown, I have lost my main child carer so dad is the only one to have him. My son spends every other weekend with me, I pick him up Friday nights but continues to go to his dads on my weekend for 4 hour stints on a Saturday and Sunday. He is supposed to stay Sunday nights and go to school from here on Mondays. Today we argued as he went back to his dads again at 12pm after saying he was bored here with me. Do I force him to stay with me on my weekends? I have spent the whole day in tears thinking he hates being here with me. His dad has an xbox, a dog and a motorcross bike so he has far more to do with him. I have none of those things.

    #46394 Report


    I really feel for you purplefire.


    your ex has EVERYHING that your son likes right now…the Xbox, the dog, the bike… I mean, we girls cannot compete with that.

    BUT, we have the heart. Your son will come back to you. They always do in the end.


    my husband passed away just four months ago, and he held his dad high on a pedestal. But when he was poorly, on his deathbed he wanted his mum.

    i am not saying this is going to happen to you, darling. What I’m saying is that we women hold the heart power. We hold the caring love.


    So be the kindest, most caring caring mum you can be when your son is with you, because even if he feels like going back to his dad because he is bored, he will think of you when he goes to sleep, and wants to be loved.


    so be ready to receive him with open arms ALL THE TIME.



    #46398 Report


    I think your ex is doing a fantastic job and being a good dad. I think you also know this too deep down.

    I dont agree what he has done to you as this is wrong and cant be repaired. Clearly not affected your son though. Maybe you should make best of situation and earn your coins knowing that at least daddy is in your sons life even though u hate him at moment

    #46405 Report


    I need curt order to force him to pay.. how to do this? Where to start ? Can anyone help me ?

    #46419 Report

    Hi there

    Its good to see that this post is getting responses however please make sure your responses are in line with our community guidelines.  I am including 3 of the guidelines which are relevant to this post.

    – Be kind to each other. Many people using the forum are going through a difficult time and a few kind words can go a long way. Welcome new posters and be especially nice to them

    – Be sensitive to the feelings and opinions of others – everyone’s experience is unique and while you might not always agree, you can disagree in a respectful manner.

    – Consider what you’re going to say and how it may impact on others

    For full details on the community guidelines please see this link:

    Gingerbread Forum – user guidelines – Gingerbread

    Kind regards, Justine

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