I need… help? Single dad.

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum I need… help? Single dad.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #54172 Report

    DadToJ89
    Participant

    Hello,

    Me and my partner split up December 2019. Well, that was her decision. I still dont understand it. First obstacle, first crysis in our family… and we are done. But then, during first lockdown in 2020 we lived together (me, her and our son, in that time he was 2, now hes 3), finally had time to spend together (before that i was working crazy hours), everything was really good. And then in September she asked me to move out. I did, thinking that after really good and funny time during this 8-9 months of lockdown ill be back home shortly. But i never came back. This april she told me shes seeing somebody for quite a while. Hope was taken away from me.

    Im so sorry i cant even write full story here, but i feel low and i cant cope anymore. I need to talk to somebody ( tried with samaritans, they are amazing ppl but all i got was “youll be ok”), im crying everyday since i left my home. Im 100% depressed. In January ive lost my dad due to covid.

    I miss having my family here, i mean my partner and my son. I can see my son every day, she doesnt stop me from it + i can have him every second weekend. But i feel massive void in my soul and heart. I cant cope with life. I dont have suicidal thoughts, but im in a very dark place.

     

    My son is ill, he was at mine today for 2-3 hours and had to get back to my partners house as he wanted mommy. It was mine weekend. I miss having him so much.

    Maybe there are fathers that went thru same thing as me.

     

    Sorry for very chaotic post, but im so tired, drained from feeling sad and depressed. Crying my eyes out and cant cope with that feeling of missing them.

    #54174 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    sorry to hear what your going through. first year or two is very rough. i’m approaching 3 years this october. i find a lot coaching videos on youtube to be very helpful and motivational. even though your not married, recommend channel called divorced, broke and paleo. what has helped me get through it is just focusing on seeing the kids and having fun times. also getting life back together, job/career wise.

    #54175 Report

    DadToJ89
    Participant

    Hi Steve, thanks for replying. I can’t imagine my life without her, without us being a family. I’m focusing on that. Even thou im going thru hell, im gonna carry on walking. What we HAD (i still have this feeling) was pure love, and some ppl may say im denying facts, but i cant give up – thats what i think. I just want to be strong in that, and i cant. I need to be strong.

    I will check youtube channels anyways, thanks pal.

    BTW – them first year or two scared shit out of me, i cant imagine this…

    #54176 Report

    Hi sorry you’ve gone through this, sounds like you need some help in focusing on the future,

    Write out some goals you want to achieve for you. Career, health, finance, dating give yourself somethings to achieve short and long term, take it one step at a time and things will come together.

    In regards to your relationship it’s great you are on good enough terms that you can still be a part of your sons life day to day, make the most of of the times you do get to see him. Organise fun activities if you can. All the best!

    #54181 Report

    Nicki44
    Participant

    It’s such a horrible feeling isn’t it?im in a similar situation I split up from my partner of 29 years earlier this year,we never really argued or had any sort of problems he just seemed to change.He lost interest in the children and was snapping at our children and me all the time.he was constantly attached to his phone and even got to the point where he was sleeping with it under his pillow,I had a feeling he was seeing someone else

    Things got really nasty between us because on the three evening me a week he would see them he would come bearing gifts then after an hour rush off or fall asleep whilst seeing them,then he was lying to the children when they would ask him where he was.I asked him over and over to be honest about seeing someone else and he still kept denying it.Yet a few weeks back he messaged our eldest to tell him he had met someone else.didnt even have the decency to tell me or our other two children.He hasn’t seen or physically spoken to the children for 6 weeks as they don’t want to see him,he didn’t even make the effort to show for our sons birthday last week…

    But I feel like you I just feel lost,scared,emotional.drained.i cant understand how someone can go from living a life for so long then just change and start a new life straight away.He has left me with so much to sort out.I hate him but I miss him and everything we had.I gave dats when I’m ok and just t plod along then days when I just can’t stop crying

    i do hope your ok and I’m sure in time things will get easier for us all but it is so so hard.If ever you want to chat?

    #54182 Report

    Coz1872
    Participant

    Kids always want their mums when they are sick I’m afraid, though as they get older it does get easier. Right now you & your kid are still adjusting to the changes in your lives. That will settle down though. Just keep being dad.

     

    I’ve been a single dad since my wife passed away in 2010. What you’re feeling is also a kind of grief, for the loss of the relationship and life you had. Unfortunately there is no magic wand to cure how you feel, only time & distractions. All of that is magnified during lock down, since there’s not much you can do for those distractions.

     

    All we can do on here is be available to chat. Feel free to PM me anytime. I’m not on the site too often, but I’ll try to keep an eye out.

    #54183 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m not a dad,I’m a mum and I have my kids with me all the time.It’s not happy clappy all the time to say the least.Nothing is.I just wanted to say regarding the way you feel- I have my kids with me 100% of the time and I often Still feel the way you describe most of the time.Losing your marriage/relationship ,if it wasn’t out of choice feels like losing a limb.I know it used to hurt me from when I got out of bed till I cried myself to sleep in the early hours for months…..My dad died 6 months later which was very difficult as he was the one who was nice to my kids.It’s truly awful,a bit like stepping off a cliff backwards with only air to hold on to.I’m really sorry when I hear other people going through this,it takes me back.The best thing you can do right now is stay SANE just for your sons sake,he really needs you (I know bc my kids’ dad is a pretty useless father & they really need him to be better).Make sure you do everything right for him at least,whatever happens between you and his mother.The people who will understand you best will be those who have been through similar pain.I never found long term advice helpful when I was struggling to see through my heartache.You have to concentrate on the here and niepw.Mindfulness helps.Speak kindly to yourself,it’s so much easier to criticize ourselves but that just makes life harder,took me ages to understand how it works but it’s true.Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed,easier to lie down and die…on those days applaud yourself for getting up.Wishing you lots of strength and I hope things get easier for you.

    #54186 Report

    DadToJ89
    Participant

    Thank you all for replying!! Also thanks for Pm, I’ll answer ASAP.

    im really worried about my physical health. Even thou I’m on diet, I’ve lost 2.5 stone in last 7 weeks and my physical form is getting better – the pain that overthinking causing is too much to handle. Whenever I think of my situation, Im literally having heartache, like somebody is squeezing my heart in my chest.

    I just woke up at 4 today, I had picture of her and her new boyfriend in my head, and I felt like somebody shoot me in my chest. Now I wanna throw up. I’m worried that I’ll get heart attack, I’m not joking.

    don’t know what to do with it. I’ll go gym in a minute to sweat it out, but tbh I’m physically knackered, I need to rest but I can’t. My mind is poisoned, my soul is rotting, which reflects in my body in very nasty way.

    im literally lying in bed now feeling like somebody ripped my heart or my chest and squeezing it…..

    #54861 Report

    Ana1
    Participant

    Dear DadToJ89,

    I can imagine what you are going through. My partner left me with a 5 years old and being 8 months pregnant at the moment. I found out he has a parallel family.

    I am sorry for your pain. Especially because you still have feelings for her. I know you are tiered,  have no goal, disoriented…

    I also know you have your son. I do have him. It is normal for chikdren to want their mother, but he loves you the same.

    Try the advices that you received, maybe some will be helpful.  Maybe try and do something for your son? Build him somethi g,make a big project for him and you, maybe save money for the future.

    I can feel your pain. You are a good father, you are supportive,  you share love and care. I wish I could help. I know you crave love and respect and security. You are being amazing for giving that to your son.

    I am not of a big help, but you can PM anytime, if you feel desperate.  I know I feel desperate most of the time a d I wish someone to listen to me without burden them.

    You are an amazing father. Build around it.

    Take care, eat and spend some time in nature. Talk to people. Take e ery day how it comes. You don’t have to be strong, but survive for your son

    #54927 Report

    Julie39
    Participant

    Hi I’m new here I’m. A single mum to two lovely beautiful children ages 2 and 14

    #54971 Report

    DadToJ89
    Participant

    Hiya, im literally overhelmed with all private messages and replies in this topic.

    I didnt reply yet to anyone, because im struggling with myself a lot. Ups and downs. At this moment, sundat 6/06/2021, 14:56, i feel so low i cant even describe it. Its quiet sunday, and i cant believe where I am right now and whats happening to my life.

    Also her “boyfriend” spend a night at her house, which means he had dinner and breakfast with MY FAMILY.

    Im sitting here, crying my eyes out. I miss my family, i miss our moments.

    Since i found out about her “affair”, ive lost 22 kilograms. Got back to martial arts trainings. But it doesnt make me feel any better.

    Im in very dark place today. Im trying to think positive, let things happen while im doing everything good, but most of the time its too much.

    I want her back so much. Nobody loved me more then she did, and i never loved any woman more then her.

    Im going thru hell, so i can forgive anything (not forgetting thou). As they say – if you going thru hell, keep going.

    I won’t stop – believing, trying, living, hoping…. But days like this – its too much for me. I hate weekends. When im having my son over sat and sunday – i feel massive void, and i know i miss her.

    When shes with my son – i miss them two.

    Dont know how to make it thru sunday. Later on im going to see my son, but it might just bring more pain inside me, when i enter MY HOUSE where couple of hours before some other guy was walking like in his own house, cuddling and kissing her….

    My heart is broken to pieces. Im so tired of this. How is that possible this happened to me? Ffs…

    #55244 Report

    Whirlwind3
    Participant

    Hi, I appreciate everyone is going to have different views on this but have you spoken to your gp? Sounds like you are depressed & you don’t have to struggle your way out of that alone. Lots of people benefit enormously from medication & talking therapy’s to help them through a tough time. There’s no shame in seeking help when you need it. In fact being able to accept help is a strength. To be there for your son you need to look after you. You can’t pour from an empty glass, xxx

    #55263 Report

    Newsingledad83
    Participant

    I am a single Dad. New Dad in fact. She had an affair. I left because I knew it was best for my daughter long term. Hardest decision of my life.

    <span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; background-color: #fbfbfb;”>”My son is ill, he was at mine today for 2-3 hours and had to get back to my partners house as he wanted mommy. It was mine weekend. I miss having him so much.”</span>

    The above shows what unconditional love you have for your Son. Despite how painful that was for you sounds like you took it for your sons best interests.

    You WILL get through this. Have counselling 100% it has helped me enormously.  Eventually the pain will get less and you will be ready to also meet someone. You will always be your Son’s father so concentrate on making the bond even stronger. Then one day you will find a new partner. Good luck and message if you feel low

     

    #55268 Report

    oliverdavid
    Participant

    Dear Dadtoj89

    I have been through similar events last year i went through a divorce and it was the worst thing i have ever been through. I loved that woman more than anything and all i had was her and my daughter. But now i look back and think at least i am there for my daughter and nothing else matters to me now. You have to hold on for your son, things haven’t really changed for me and things have probably gotten worse if I’m honest but i keep going for my little girl and you have to do the same. He needs you and i know the pain your going through especially when you have to go through it alone, do what’s best for you and show her you can rise up from it, that will change things for you it will take some time but as the years go by things will start to fade and one day you will look back and think what was that all really about. Have faith have hope and remember number 1 is you mate.

    Feel Free to message anytime

    All the best

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register