I need help
24 November 2019 at 8:12 am #33235
married with a mortgage. OH works four nights a week. We have two kids with additional needs. In effect I’m a single parent. A miserable one too. All along I’ve asked the OH for two things, affection and help with the kids. Neither has been forthcoming. He changed his job and took a pay cut without checking and so we can’t stay in the house. It’s been on the market for about 8 months. I’m under so much stress from every corner. Now he wants a divorce. Says there’s nothing I could do to make him love me. Pretty sure he’s been squirrelling money away with me bashing theplastic to stay afloat. I don’t know what to do first. I need a friend to lean on and some sound advice, please24 November 2019 at 10:51 am #33240
I’m here if you need to talk. Sound advice? Make yourself a priority. Hard but once you do that the rest will fall in to place.24 November 2019 at 1:20 pm #33244
Thankyou Stacey, at the moment I’m swinging between hurt and anger. I don’t know what to do first and I must keep my children’s interests a priority. This man has spent a lot of time bringing me to the state I’m in and although I’m usually fairly strong right now I’m lost. I need real advice on mortgages/renting, benefits if any, child maintenance and what to do about my suspicions of his stashing money 😟24 November 2019 at 3:53 pm #33246
Are you able to afford a solicitor? Maybe you could see if they do an hour free?
re the stashing money, my ex did that and it was too difficult to prove. He got away with it sadly.
I’d say at the moment, it’s best to get legal advice. They can then guide you on what to do next. You’ll need to decide how you’ll divide your children’s time and your assets. If you can do it between you, great. Most can’t and so you’ll have to look at mediation or solicitors or court.
In the meantime, look at universal credit / child tax credit. Have you got a friend that could pop round one evening and maybe go through it with you?24 November 2019 at 8:29 pm #33253
Thanks for your reply Sunflower. Unfortunately I have no trustworthy friends and I’m over 80 miles from my loved ones. I haven’t told anybody. Can you get UC whilst still living under the same roof as your legal partner if you’re not divorced yet? I am getting careers allowance and have a little dinner lady job whilst my boys are at school. Unfortunately I can’t work more hours or during school hols. I’m floundering and scared 😥24 November 2019 at 9:03 pm #33255
You can claim UC, but you have to show that you’re living separately. So not eating together, sleeping in same room, taking children out together etc. On a previous post I gave detailed info about what is expected if you use the search engine or look at my profile info.25 November 2019 at 9:41 am #33263
Its important at this stage that you get the right information and advice. Our single parent helpline has a team of advisers that will be able to help you to explore what options are available for you. They will be busy so please be patient when you are waiting to get through. All calls will be free.
Hope that helps, Justine25 November 2019 at 12:12 pm #33271
Definitely get solid legal advice, as previous replies have stated.
But also massively look after yourself here and your mental health. Prioritising you and your needs is so important to help you face the future. Have you got supportive family nearby or friends who can pop over to keep your spirits up. Try to get some time to yourself to help you clear your head, make a plan and focus on what YOU want from life and how to reach goals that are going to make YOU happy. Be selfish here, because it will help you be a better parent for your children and it will help you understand how to create a “new normal” as you move on.
Send hugs – feel free to send a message if you need a chat.