I need advice please…

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  • #40012 Report

    LovingDaddy
    Participant

    Hi I’ll try to keep this as short as possible…

     

    Myself and my ex decided to share parenting from the moment she walked out.

     

    He comes to my house 3 days a week and stops over on alternate weekends. He comes in the clothes he has on and I take them off him and dress him in his own clothes I have for him here, and send him back in the clothes he came in once they have been washed. He has everything he needs and more at my house (his initial home).

     

    When hes at school his mom gives him 2 meals a week as breakfast and dinner is supplied by school and I feed him the other 3 days and alternate weekends. I pay £120 a month to his mum for upkeep but I feel like that doesn’t get spent on my child.

     

    So yeah I pay for everything while he’s in my care as if he lives with me full time and the kid wants for nothing. I also send whatever spare money I have each month into his own bank account which I set up from birth.

     

    My ex gets single parent discount and other benefits even though she has had her new fella their helping since our split.

    I want to know if I would be in my right to ask for proof that my money is being spent on my child or if possible not pay her at all and just send the full amount to my child’s bank account and get him the stuff as and when he needs it so that I know its definitely being spent on him

    #40013 Report

    LovingDaddy
    Participant

    Please note that me and my ex are more than civil when it comes to our child and I think that she is a good mum but we had agreed that we do everything 50/50 although I do all pickups and drop offs of our child, haircuts and other little things.

    #40015 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    No you cant ask for proof that the moneys being spent on the kid as far as I know. And you legally have an obligation to pay regardless of whether you are happy about what she spends the money on. Putting into a kids bank account doesnt help cover the day to day costs of raising a child which is what that money is supposed to go towards.

    You said you pay £120 a month maintenance? Your ex is probably spending more than £120 a month just on food alone regardless of whether school gives him meals and thats without getting started on any other bills even if she does get a discount. Therefore rest assured your money has been spent on providing for the child whether that be food or a roof over the child’s head. Her new fella isnt responsible for caring or providing for your child and has no obligation to offer financial support.

    All you could do is use the CMS calculator to work out how much minimum you legally have to pay if you’ve not done so already and do it that way. Anything else buy it yourself for the kid such as clothes and toys that way you know the kids getting them. But obviously your best bet is to always seek proper legal advice via citizens advice or a solicitor on these kinds of matters. Stay safe

    #40019 Report

    LovingDaddy
    Participant

    I have been in contact with the CMS and the money calculated only goes on how many overnight stays I have. Which works out around 3 nights sometimes 4 nights a week depending on work. Although the hours spent with the child is actually even between me and my ex. I have no problem with what I am paying but considering I have had the child for over a month every day and every night during this covid outbreak I have not noticed that I have spent a significant amount of extra money and I have bought new clothes, food, toys etc… Even though he doesn’t NEED them here I just like to treat myself by buying him stuff

    #40021 Report

    Waunderful
    Participant

    If you feel your financial responsibility is fulfilled by having him 3 days a week you should discuss that with her or the relevant authority to reassess the situation, rather than ask for her or yourself to comb through her personal finances looking for things to nit pick, surely? I’m no expert but asking for her to justify her finances to you sounds very off.

    Good luck with everything x

    #40022 Report

    Bunnyhop
    Participant

    If you can prove that you are sharing equal day to day care of the child and have equal custody or are actually the primary carer then you may perhaps have a case with CMS to have the maintenance lowered or even removed. But unless thats the case then yeah it is based on how many nights you have the child and you have a legal obligation to pay minimum that money and absolutely no right to demand to see proof of what that money is spent on. The fact you said your ex is a good mother and so therefore Im assuming your child isnt neglected should be all the proof you need that your money has been well spent. Hope this helps and stay safe

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