I need advice

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  • #37629 Report

    Pug Lover

    Hi all I’m new on here and looking for advice.

    I have a son who is 10.Me and his Dad split up 5 years ago we remained friends at first but he has moved away and I’m finding it difficult trying to maintain a relationship between the two of them as his Dad doesn’t respond to anything I tell him about our son.I feel it shouldn’t all be down to me.Whenever I bring this up he turns it around on me and uses excuses.

    We decided when we split up to sort maintanence out between us and he always paid it monthly but dropped the payment by £25 per month about 2 years ago saying he had been paying me extra and couldn’t afford the extra.I checked the child maintenance website and it said he should have been paying the original amount but due to the years of emotional abuse from him and every time I mentioned it he would start moaning,I just felt I couldn’t stand up to him.

    Since moving away he has paid 2 months short.This month he paid a week late.Obviously as I’m a single parent I rely on the money for shopping and bills.He lives with a new partner who from what my son has said has a drink problem and I don’t see why my son should come second best.

    He has mental health problems and hates the CSA and even if they are mentioned he explodes in a rage probably to try and make me feel guilty but I can’t continue like this as he is becoming more unreliable.

    I just wondered if anyone has experience of the CMS and how long it takes to sort out?Also will I be worse off as people have said you have to pay a % to them.

    Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading

    #37630 Report


    Hi, I have gone through cms for maintenance from my sons father and I think it depends on the situation to how long it takes. It does sound like yours will be similar to mine and I started my claim back in November and I’m due my first payment on the 19th of this month! My sons father ignored all contact from cms which delayed things, they then went from data from 2015 so I had to contest it (I knew he wasn’t working then and is in a well paid job now) in the end they went through his work. Because of this he pay an extra 20% and I lose 4%. CMS will try and do a family based arrangement first where you ex’s pays you directly on an agreed date. If this doesnt work they will do direct pay where it comes straight from his work to you. This is what mine is and why its took so long. I would contact them asap especially if it won’t be a straight forward case. I hope you get it sorted x

    #37632 Report

    Pug Lover

    Thanks for your reply LandF.I have asked him several times why he doesn’t just put it on a standing order but every time says he forgot…what for a whole 5 years?I have kept my mouth shut about alot of things as I just can’t deal with the backlash from him.I’m in such a better place emotionally and I know I need to sort this out.He will try and make me feel guilty but I’ve given him chances and if anything he has got worse.Thanks for the advice I will ring them this week x

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