I made a mistake
20 August 2021 at 9:50 pm #57848
My husband left me in June. I was upset but our marriage had always been awful so I wasn’t destroyed by it. Roll on to August and he contacts me and says he wants his wife back. That he missed me and wanted to try again. He sat there crying, saying he had learnt so much about himself.
against my better judgement I said we could try again. He pretty much moved back in straight away. Fast forward two weeks and he’s left again. No conversation – nothing.
I am convinced he cheated on me before and left to be with her. That they prob had trouble on paradise and he panicked about being alone and asked to come back to me. Then they got back in contact and she took him back.
I can’t stop crying. I was fine without him and he came back and gave me hope. Whilst we were together again things weren’t 100% great. His personality is very selfish and he only talks about himself. It got very boring – fast. But I did think we could work on things and I’ve realised he had no intention of doing that. I was a safety net.
I now feel destroyed. I allowed myself to take a risk and be vulnerable. He pooped all over that. I have received the message loud and clear that I am nothing. Not worth anything.
I have four children – not his – and he just walked in and then walked out again. They have been dragged along for the ride of my crappy existence – yet again.
I don’t know how to feel better about this.20 August 2021 at 10:26 pm #57850
You aren’t alone – most people have taken someone back because there’s trust that they may have changed – you WANT them to have changed and you give them the benefit of the doubt. It does not make you stupid or weak or wrong. You did the right thing at the time and he has shown himself for what he really is. You won’t ever make the same mistake again and you are finally free of him now! HE has the crappy existence – not you. You have four beautiful children. What does he have? He won’t find love or happiness if he treats people the way he does. And from my experience people don’t change all that much. He’ll keep jumping from one woman to the next. You are now free to work on YOU. You don’t need anyone – but you are also now free to meet someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you are so deserving and worthy of. Time will heal and you will get through this – sending love x21 August 2021 at 1:12 pm #57862
I wish my heart would catch on to this. My head thinks it but my emotions are out of control depressed21 August 2021 at 2:30 pm #57866
I hope you are okay. Enjoy your children and know they are fantastic because of you. You can now make progress with your life.21 August 2021 at 2:41 pm #57867
gentle hugs if wanted! – MammaDuck is right, agree a lot of us have shared a similar experience. My Ex was like this too… hot & cold, sure, then not sure, off & on. I’d leave him, he’d give all these apologies & promises.. then back to the same. He too was also frequently cheating, which i only found out about after. You can’t blame yourself for his behaviour. You are not in the wrong for expecting respect, honesty or stability from a partner or husband. It’s healthy to forgive people and give folk chances to learn & grow, especially if they say they have & want to!
Took a long time to learn… this gaslighting behaviour is designed to be destabilising, fool us into opening the door to them… just so they can achieve a sense of power & controlling us by leaving us on the floor emotionally. It’s easy to fall into a trap of not recognising emotional abuse if we feel like we are standing up to it, can manage or it’s subtle / under the guise of reconciliation. It’s not your fault for being a healthy human. Emotional injury is no different to physical injury, it hurts & takes time to heal. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling hurt when someone has hurt you! <3
He is the crap one with a crappy existence, like who does this?? what an asshat!!!…
Healthy partners are more concerned about how they can support us and be a happy part of our lives… not just about what they want, when & how.
You will heal & get back to a better place, life is going to be amazing without him & his rubbish 🙂