I know this will be a issue (CM related)

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  • #27860 Report


    Hey everyone,

    Im fairly new to this forum but read this and many to help guide me in my past situations with my ex. I am a father of two beautiful kids (sons 6 & daughters 2).  I have been split from their mum definitively since my son was around 4. I see my kids once a week and every other weekend pus we share holidays. I have been paying CM towards my kids with no issues since my son was 2/3 & go halves on big purchases like parties, presents etc with no issues. I decided to quit my job as they were changing my hours and it didn’t fit with a schedule that I had for my children. While struggling to find a job that will pay well I decided to go to university to get a degree so I could start a career and hopefully in the future afford a better lifestyle for me and children plus I would like to live closer so I could see them more (currently live about 20miles/40min away).

    This was a big issue as at the time my ex wasn’t working and relied on my CM payments and due to me being a full-time student & not working, I was on ‘nil rate. we argued and I consistently received abusive and hateful messages because of this. I caved and took a student maintenance loan out so I could contribute (£35/week) because I wanted to still help out with kids needs, which at the time she was still unhappy about and continued to claim that how can I be paying so little still. Over time she got a job and the situation settled, although she still doesn’t agree with my choices and claims I wasn’t thinking about the kids when I made this choice.

    I am now struggling due to budgeting my lifestyle on a Maintenance loan and overdraft (not smart I know) plus paying petrol to see the kids (pick up and drop off) costs me around £200+ in petrol and my previous car broke down and I had to get one on finance which over £200  a month. I am lucky that I get some help from my Mum and family but it’s not enough plus I don’t like to burden them. I have been looking for a part-time job that fits around my studies and my children which is hard but I think I may have found one. It pays £210 a week before tax, which isn’t much but I would help. I worked out using the CM calculator that if I wasn’t a student I would be paying £29/week which is less than I am already paying.

    I want to continue to pay the £35/week which I think is fair but I know she will say that I should pay £69/week as that is closer to what I was giving her when I was working full time. I know im not obliged to tell her im working but I don’t want to keep it a secret plus my children will ask me where Im going and I don’t want to lie to them anyone over something so petty. I don’t know how to handle this situation in a fair way, any advice is welcomed.

    Thank you in advance.

    #27862 Report


    Hey man I dont know anything about CM but if you do want someone to talk or bounce ideas off  Then you can message me I’d be more than willing to just talk man.

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