I just can’t accept not seeing my girls as much

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  • #63904 Report

    Georgie26
    Participant

    I don’t even know what to say.. I’ve had a really tough time, husband left 2 years ago, I have since recently had an ectopic pregnancy and have PTSD.
    Husband is making my life a misery with constantly texting emailing or calling to speak to the children. I can’t seem to get away from it.
    the girls go every other weekend Friday to Monday, weds after school through to Thursday morning, half or every school holidays too.

    I just thought it would get easier when they have gone to him but my heart still feels empty when they aren’t here and I just feel I’ll never accept them not being with my all the time. I know it’s partly because he left me and I never had a say but it’s making me so unhappy.

    I feel jealous he has this new partner he has an affair with and they are this big family without me. I just want to be happy. Does anyone have any advice or good books that they can recommend  ? Thank you.

    #63905 Report

    Wolfbear
    Participant

    Hi,

    I had similar daily calls and every other weekend and when I was moaned at for more time, offered a weekday and couldn’t do it. You need time to recover from the situation so I would say stop the calls, say you have contact on these days and my time with the kids is my time. You don’t need to go into detail with them be strong. I put do not disturb on my phone from 7 so I don’t get notifications unless it’s from people I want to speak to (family/friends).
    With things to help personally I watched Tony Robbins on Netflix and youtube. That really helped starting to sort my head out. It will get better it just takes time

    #63907 Report

    Georgie26
    Participant

    Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.
    I said about stopping the calls and he told me there is no way he will stop the calls, he is entitled to speak to his children when he wants and if so he will buy them a device ! (They are 8 and 5).

    #63909 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    This is a difficult situation. For all people involved. You are 9 out of 14 days with your children, your ex 5. That is the same ratio as between me and my ex. 9 days with me, 5 days with her. She also calls and texts when ever she wants on days which are not hers. Obviously, this has an element of control. This is also an intrusion into my life. But who am I to judge how important it is for our child. I think it is something I have to endure. As he is growing older, more and more of her text and calls go unanswered, and he is making the distinction between when it is essential for him and when it just isn’t. The mother also has a relation and is having another baby. But that has nothing to do whether I would restrict his contact to his mother. I think, I would raise the boundaries, if it borders on harassment, and the damage her intrusions inflict on our son’s wellbeing outweigh the benefits of him having unrestricted access to his mother. My emotional problems with the situation are my problems. I don’t think there is an easy solution. We have to find a way in a difficult situation which in all probabilities will have shortcomings for any number of the people involved. It needs to be a compromise and if your ex can’t compromise, then power decides the rules as a means of the last resort. He also has to restrain himself, or he needs to be restrained. That is how I would go about the situation. As I said, at the moment I can live with it but just in case, I wouldn’t want to.

    #63912 Report

    Wolfbear
    Participant

    Hiya
    no he’s not entitled to intrude on you time with them, especially to that extent. It’s unreasonable of him to expect this. It’s a controlling matter, in my situation I spoke with someone and they advised the same. If you have an agreement stick to it, you do not have to answer the phone unless urgent or you need to discuss something. He sounds like he is controlling you and from my own experience controlling behaviour towards children and yourself can have mental affects on you and the kids. This is my own experience but speak to someone and find out where you stand, you will be surprised at what is and isn’t acceptable. Then you have the legal information to back you up if you email/write to him. Don’t say it on the phone, then it is a prove it situation, but please get advise as he sounds like maybe being emotionally abusive which isn’t shouting screaming as I thought before I was advised. Not saying that’s the case but find out your rights and stand up for you x

    #63914 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    so he is seeing the children very regularly, so don’t understand why there needs to be so many calls. I went through courts, and I asked for just 1 call a week, and am more focused on the days the kids spend with me. you could set some boundaries to limit the calls.

    #63931 Report

    Georgie26
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for your help.
    I have my mediation appointment tomorrow.
    I’m very nervous.

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