I feel in deep grief

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  • #42007 Report

    MamaGum
    Participant

    Hello. I have just registered. I have been married over 27 years. I have not been happy for over 10 years. My husband was verbally abusive to me and my 3 kids. Two are grown up and one 16 and has Autism with high anxiety

    My husband had an affair 10 years ago and was deeply sorry saying it was just the sex but I couldn’t feel the same after. He tried to make it right but it was like a line had been crossed. He works away a lot and I found my trust had gone. My eldest daughter8 years ago begged me to leave him, then my middle daughter 5 years ago and finally my son last year. It’s like I wanted to stay as I have a fear of being alone. I finally got him to leave after another incident just before lockdown. I sold the house. He really didn’t want to split but I think because it’s a hassle for him. We haven’t slept together for years and he accepted this.

    Now he has gone which is what I wanted, I feel in deep grief. He has done so much emotional abuse to me and our children it was like I deserved it. Now he has gone and is more civil with me I can’t handle it. I am looking at the past through rose tinted glasses and am grieving the Occasional good times.

    I am lonely, sad and feel so alone. The kids are happier now he has gone and they have their own lives but I feel deeply bereft and often am on the verge of ringing him.
    Has anyone else experienced this? I have no faith I will ever be happy

     

    #42009 Report

    Solstice5
    Participant

    Hi MamaGum

    I’ve just joined too and have just separated from my husband. I know that things got better between us after we decided to split and I wondered if I had made a mistake. I now feel intense sadness and grief for myself and my children. But I know that what I used to have with my husband is gone and we will never get anything good back. So despite the pain I’m not changing my mind.  Now feeling very lonely, hence the need to reach out to this community. You are not alone.

    #42029 Report

    AngieN
    Participant

    Hello

    What you are experiencing is normal….please do not think you are alone. I’m almost two years into getting a divorce my ex to be moved out well over a year ago. Although I do not miss him i do miss the family unit terribly, i do understand the loneliness. My life feels empty Although I have a busy life with my two daughters, my house and other things to keep me busy. The lockdown hasn’t helped many.

    You will have to find a way to find yourself, find inner strength you never knew existed and keep strong….easier said than done. Take each day as it comes that’s what I do . Some days will be better than others.

    Each day is a new day with you and your children. Do things that make YOU happy that’s been a big mistake of mine always putting others first(not talking about my children) of course they come first.

    I’m still struggling  everyday just don’t put pressure on yourself and try to enjoy a bit of you time.

    Take care x

     

     

     

    #42031 Report

    Sbee
    Participant

    Hi, I am also newly single after 18 yrs being together (15 married) and right up to the day he left I believed we were the strongest, happiest of couples. I now feel out past was a lie, my present is unbearable and I see no happy future. I miss him, but selfishly I miss the life I thought I had. It makes me so sad and due to the current lock down, I just find myself obsessing about it all day long.

    #42033 Report

    Anne83
    Participant

    I totally empathise. My husband and I are separating, moving into two different homes next month. We spectated six months ago, I left as it was a toxic environment. During that time I hoped for change. He certainty painted a picture of wanting the marriage to last etc. We (our 2 year old son) went back for lockdown and there was no change, and discovered he’d been seeing and sleeping with women during the short time we lived apart. I found condoms in his wallet and hes still blaming amnesia, he has no memory of why or how they got there. I tried over a year to make things work for my son and family unit, but simply have no choice but to move on. We have a three year old, and I’m dealing with constant feelings of guilt and shame – that I’m dividing our unit. I firmly believe he’s a narcissist so know I’ll never be happy with him and certainly don’t deserve the way he treats me. Yet, I’m left feeling that grief, that numbness, bewilderment and complete and utter sadness when I contemplate the move.

    #42258 Report

    MamaGum
    Participant

    Thank you for the replies. I know it’s the best thing and it’s probably the security of being married. He worked away most of the time so I should be used to it. It’s things like holidays.. not that I was allowed to choose then and holidays were a very stressful time together. I had a lonely childhood too and at the age of 54 I am so sad I am still lonely. No one to share anything with. I have nothing to look forward to. Just a blank hole. Sorry, having a bad day

    #42275 Report

    Soniah19
    Participant

    MamaGum, you are not alone! I feel so sad to read this and I know how you feel . I would say make happy memories with your children and learn to love yourself but I know that is really easy to say and of course we pretend we are ok for our kids when inside we are hurting. I really feel for you, get as many hugs from your children as you can xx

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