I feel I’m losing control

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    My husband of 20 years and 25 years together left our family home at Christmas.  He left with no clear reason and indicated that he wanted space and would return. In the last 3 weeks I have found out a lot of his lies. He has a new girlfriend that I know. He has been going on weekends away with her ( through lockdown 🤦‍♀️). And at the weekend I found out that it’s been going on for months probably while he was still here. Her mam was openly telling people. I have challenged him but he says I’m fill of bs and know nothing ha ha. My problem is I’m struggling to get through how he could knowingly cause so much pain. He hasn’t been a good husband or dad to our 5 kids for a long time but it is really affecting me how he is just swanning in and out like nothings wrong. Even asking me about my weekend and how it was. He has taken the youngest children out 3 times and asked for them to sleep once in 6 month. Then just pops in to see them for 10 minutes when he can be bothered. He still insists he is a brilliant dad even though they don’t hear from him on a weekend. They are not his priority and it hurts. I am filing for divorce and am scared that he causes trouble and it affects the children.  He has just walked out of a life with responsibility to be a teenager again, not thinking about the consequences while I’m destined for a life alone when the kids grow up and I’m resentful of this. How do I get over the heartache to be the best for our kids.

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