My 2 children, aged 9 and 11 live with me all the time. They see their dad about every other weekend (it’s been less during lockdown). They are my life, I’m a teacher and so have been around all holidays with them but today they went to see their dad. I spent a lot of the morning in tears.. feeling so alone and not good enough. It’s been 5 years of this so why does it still get to me. I try to arrange to meet up with friends but so many have partners.
It is the hardest thing in the world. I hated my sons going to their dads. I eventually learnt I have to have some me time. My friends likes a night out without their husbands or I would go shopping, watch films, decorate, gym – anything to keep busy x
To begin with I also really struggled, well meaning friends would say ‘enjoy the break’ but when it is in week in, week out it feels like torture as people get on with life.
I don’t want to suggest our experiences are the same however I viewed this as a grieving process (Google five stages of grief) I always wanted to be a mummy and this world I was forced into where they weren’t with me was very painful. Time has helped however I would say that perhaps if you still feel sadness that means you are struggling to operate when they are away perhaps consider some type of counselling? You can usually access this thru your gp. In the current climate it must be even more difficult, I genuinely feel your pain and even now when I hand over my babies it pulls on my heartstrings.
Remember your strength though, as painful as it is, in the right circumstances (no abuse etc.) children should have a relationship with both parents.
I hope your pain eases in time, if you don’t have people you can talk to always remember the samaritans are there to listen.
It’s so nice to hear I’m not alone. My partner left me and our 2 year old daughter at the start of this week. I just keep crying. Like you, my friends are all happily married so it makes things a bit harder.
It’s not only moms who feel like that. I am having tough nights as well, when little one is with his mother. I am worried sick, as I can feel his tensions rising before she comes to pick him up. How he wants to pacify her, doing everything right and how he talks about her hopefully being late or not showing up. He asked me if I have a stapler just before she picked him up yesterday because he broke hers and was scared she will find out. I only have an electric one, so no use. I know how she reacts and I know why he is scared.
She didn’t bring his trainers back after their Scotland tour last week, so I bought him a new pair. He wasn’t allowed to ware them and had to put on his school shoes. She is so full of anger and it is very hard for him. I wonder how long I will tolerate this. I even talked to her mother but she can’t do much. Their contact isn’t very good as well at the moment. I need to get to grips with this and find a way. Any advice?
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