I feel so dissatisfied at the moment and I just need to vent. After my divorce and separation I got myself sorted out, a good job, a good routine, and I was enjoying spending time with my kids. I was happy. I had no social life as I had no one to babysit (my mum’s babysitting goodwill was used up helping me out with childcare during school hols) but I didn’t mind. I actually looked forward to the latest kids film at the cinema, or dining at Pizza Hut on a Saturday night instead of some fancy restaurant. But my mum and others went on and on at me to find a new partner.
So, I online dated. Found a lovely man. He was romantic and, early on, my mum babysat and we had some very grown up romantic meals and adult conversation. I enjoyed it a lot. Then the babysitting dwindled off. He tried hard to fit into our family life, but it was difficult to maintain the relationship when we had no time alone together. The kids were struggling with the idea of a new strange man so to introduce another stranger babysitter would not have gone down well. Life was stressful and not fun. I had to end it.
Life is better without the extra stress of pleasing the man and my kids. But, now i’ve had a taste of those early fun dates, I miss them and haven’t been able to rekindle the happiness I had before he came along. I hate feeling this way. I wish I’d never dipped my toe into dating again. I’ve not been myself since and i’m worried I will never feel like my old self again.
I can relate to the finding it hard to start a new relationship when one partner can’t get time to themselves. It’s heartbreaking when all the pieces fit… and it’s all about circumstance especially if they get on really well with your child and theirs not ready to let someone new into their lives even as a friend cause of the damage their dad caused by not spending time with his kids and spending it with his new gf instead.
Getting back in the saddle again is very difficult, and even when you find the right person sometimes it’s not meant to be cause ultimately kids come first and have to respect that.
I do hope your situation finds its way to allowing what you want into your life. The lack of closure when it’s all to do with circumstance as opposed to not working out between you can really eat you up inside as it feels so unfair.
Here’s hoping fate brings better circumstances but try not to forget good times even if they were not to be sustained.
I have been on my own for a year and it’s hard as would be nice to have someone new in my life. But I am finding the more confident I am getting the more I am realising that anybody becoming a part of mine and my kids life needs to accept me as the new me and accept my amazing kids too. I keep telling myself everything my abusive ex told me about my appearance and me as a person is rubbish, and the more I am doing that the more I am finding the old me is coming back with a few positive tweaks.
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