I don’t love my partner

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  • #43165 Report

    MaxsMum
    Participant

    I’ve been with my partner for 15 year, we have a nice life, own our own home, go on holidays and have an amazing daughter. However, I don’t love him in that way. I haven’t done for 11 years.

    I told him how I feel, he was very upset but said it is not normal for couples to bot have sex for 10 years. He says he still loves me but will move out of our home once we manage to save a deposit for him to rent somewhere and we need to pay some Bill’s off during that time too. It is all very friendly and amicable.

    I am heartbroken, even though it is my decision, I feel guilty for my daughter for making her dad leave, I feel bad for my partner having to live alone, he has no friends or family other than us.I just feel awful. But I still think it’s the best for both of us. I am also terrified.

    #43178 Report

    Welshdad
    Participant

    You’ve now been honest with him, and now given him the opportunity to have the truth, something he probably knew for a long time and was struggling to deal with…. it may have taken eleven years but at least now he has the opportunity to move on with his life.  And if you’ve been living a lie all this time then maybe you too in time will be able to find happiness.

    If things weren’t right then your daughter will have picked up on it, kids are far from stupid and they know when something’s up – although I was upset when my ex told me same (though her not loving pre-dated the marriage apparently), I was thankful for being released from that prison knowing something wasn’t right and trying to ignore that gut feeling.  Yes there are many practicalities that are involved and there is a lot to sort.

    It’s good things are friendly and amicable but believe me when I say that even if  things appear that way now you will both go through a lot of emotions and turmoil when the reality of it all has hit and so it’s imperative right now that you discuss custodial arrangements while things are friendly and you are communicating well still.

    In all of this the priority is making sure that you both maintain a good relationship with your child and make sure she knows none of this is her fault and reassure her that things are going to be ok.

     

    #43260 Report

    enilorac40
    Participant

    I was in exactly the same situation – we did our best to try and stick to the relationship with many attempts at therapy but those feelings were never going to be there for me. Splitting (eventually) was the best thing we could have done – we still have a very good relationship and although our children live full time with me they see him lots too and despite me being terrified they would be emotionally scarred by him leaving, they are happier than ever and now the time they spend with him is real quality time too so they actual feel like they see him more than they did! We continued with a relationship that had fundamental parts missing for years because of the children but we didn’t need to. The relief that the situation was over was immense. I too felt guilty but as long as you make sure you  both have lots of time with your daughter, there’s no need to. He wouldn’t be happy in the long run in a relationship that isn’t working anyway. Coming up to two years on and we are both in great relationships and very happy (we even all go out together with our children and my partner and his children and my ex’s new partner for the kids bdays etc). I would have loved someone to tell me the same when I was struggling with the stress of becoming single, that it is possible for everyone to come out alright in the end! I think staying amicable was the key to being happy especially when it comes to the children. My new partner and his ex havn’t managed this (court order etc) and it causes a lot of stress which the kids pick up on. It’s actually quite empowering to be single after so long of being trapped in the wrong relationship if you get the right attitude. Obviously it has its ups and downs but definitely the right decision!

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