I don’t know where to start

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  • #59020 Report


    I’ve finally decided that I need to leave my partner. I’m just so miserable and have been for years. We are not married, we have two children, 7 and 5.
    he has a very well paid job. I work 20 hours a week so have some money, but not much.
    the house is in his name.
    Ive told him I want to leave but he said he will make it difficult for me. He doesn’t want me to go as he thinks it will devestate the children, but I’m so unhappy, I just can’t stay any longer. I don’t even like him any more, let alone love him!  He deals with everything financially.
    I just don’t know where to start, or if I could cope on my own(financially) (I know I could be a single mum as we virtually live separate lives and I do everything on my own anyway.)

    where would I live? What would I be entitled to?
    If I move out, where would I go?
    I would have to move out because even though it is our house, it’s all in his name.
    Im just so clueless and confused. I called the CAB for advice and they recommended this website.
    Any help and advice appreciated please xxx

    #59105 Report

    Divine empress

    Hi there I’m sorry your going through that it can be tough, if you have a friend or family member who would be willing to put you up for a few weeks arrange that if it’s too unbearable to stay then report yourself as homeless to the council they will put you up in temporary accommodation, the best way would be to not give your partner any information on where you are going until you have fully moved into your permanent new place (if he isn’t a danger to you and your children) , you will have to apply for income support and also make Csa aware that you are a single parent and you require help from your children’s father they will do the rest this is to make sure you get regular payments to help you with the cost of raising your children alone hope this helps x

    #59108 Report



    Although i have no advice for you i can empathise.  I am going to tell my husband this morning that our relationship has run is course.  I just cant live like this no more,  Im full of resent and angry towards him.  One question a web site asked was ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years time?’  The thought of me being stuck like this just hit home.  I have to get out and now its gonna be difficult but at least ill be in a better mental state.


    Also,  i think your entitled to something in the house regardless if its just in his name.


    #60127 Report


    Hello. Nice to meet you.  I am very sorry for your situation. I decide to write you, because I am in similar situation. We leave together, but really separate.  I suffer very much, because he abuses me, tells me horrible things as I am ugly, fat etc. I would like very much move out. I don’t have enough money to rent something now. Maybe later. I would like to live far away from him. He makes me miserable. I cannot even look at him anymore. I could go to my parents, but he took passport of my child. I need friend in similar situation to talk and support each other.

    #60129 Report



    So sorry you’re going through this. As a woman who has been in that situation, I would suggest leaving as soon as you can, I know it can be scary and quite daunting but you only live once, don’t waste that time being unhappy. If you have a family or friend that you could stay with until you get something sorted that would be the first step, just take one step at a time x

    #60133 Report


    Hi Iwanttobreakfree,

    It’s great to see you’re making contact with other parents with experience of what you are going through. You can also give our helpline a call to talk through your entitlements and options.

    Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925. Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered


    best wishes, Helen

    #60232 Report


    Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. He is working away this week so it has given me some time and space to make some phone calls and decisions. I contacted the gingerbread helpline and got some really helpful information and now feel like I’m starting to get a plan in place. I also opened up to family and friends about my feelings which was a big step as I feel like now I have told them, I’ve admitted my feelings and definitely decided what I want to do. They were extremely supportive which has really helped.

    #61936 Report


    Hi I am in an uncannily similar position, i have 2 children 7 & 5 my husband earns more in a day then I can a week, he was also away the majority of the week.

    I’m desperately trying to figure out what I’m entitled as we are due a discussion this week.  I’m sure I’m entitled to more than just CSA, half his buiness? but cant get to speak to a solicitor till next week.  I have nothing in the bank.

    #61956 Report


    Hi @Racahill,  Here is an information page which I think you may find helpful. It also has a link to our helpling if you need to talk it through. Best wishes. Help with money after separation – Gingerbread


    #65148 Report


    Hi, I just wanted to update my situation and request some further advice.
    We have now agreed to split up.
    I am going to move out with DD’s.
    I don’t have much money and only part time job.
    I have an idea of what i will be entitled to claim, which should cover Rent, bills etc.
    I am going to carry on living with ex partner until I have found somewhere suitable to live.
    my question is, would I be entitled to claim UC and restart child benefit now? Or do I wait until I have moved out to apply for these?
    I don’t know how I would be able to afford my own place if I have to wait, as I will be starting from scratch with furniture and everything and have no savings.

    #65342 Report


    Hi @Iwanttobreakfree, It’s great to see your update. I’ve moved your post up so others see it. Meanwhile, here’s some information about finance and other things when you are separating:  Separating – Gingerbread.

    Our helpline or webchat will be able to advise you on when you can start claiming Universal Credit and can do a finance check with you to see what you are entitled to.

    Helpline – Gingerbread

    Webchat – Gingerbread


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