I don’t know what to do next.

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  • #47587 Report

    Valentine
    Participant

    Today it’s exactly a year since I’ve made the decision to give up fighting for someone that hurt me a lot. Police was involved because of domestic violence. 28 days with no contact.
    After that, I’ve decided to let him back in our lives for the sake of our son. He wanted to see his son so I couldn’t deny him that.
    I thought he might be apologetic, I thought he might have learned something from this but he was far from it. I got the blame for everything. Every time he came round, it was a nightmare for me. He didn’t even look at me, he ignored me, he only spoke about what he thought was necessary. God forbid I opened my mouth to say something, he started raising his voice straight away. After every visit, I was crushed. It took me a few days to recover. It’s been an absolute nightmare, I’ve tried so hard for us to be civil for our son’s sake but it seems impossible. He doesn’t want to make the tiniest effort. I cannot cary on like this. We had a massive fight today, with him saying hurtful things, he keeps repeating the same things. We cannot understand one another. I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what to do. I know he has rights to see his son but what about me? Do I have to put up with his bad attitude every time? My son is only 3 years old, he cannot decide if he wants his dad in his life or not. This guy is driving me crazy. He is so stubborn and set in his ways that he lost touch with reality. I still love him very much and I don’t think I’ll get over it, to see him so against me all the time is heartbreaking.
    I really appreciate any advice you have.
    Thank you.

    #47595 Report

    Themorgans
    Participant

    Hi Valentine,

    I am sorry you are going through this, it’s a similar situation to mine but mine has only been for 3 months. Do you have any friends or family that would be there instead of you when your sons dad spends time with him?

    Becky

    #47599 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Valentine

    You don’t need to tolerate this, and your child is still really young so you have years ahead of you to co-parent. There needs to be a better solution otherwise it’s like knocking a scab off the wound each time you meet. How will either of you heal? Consider 3rd party transfers that way you don’t need to meet each other. You could both nominate family members to cover transfer or you could take turns and use the same transfer point for consistency ie your parents/his parents. Kids are pretty resilient and will tolerate most things but not bickering between 2 people they love.

    #47601 Report

    Valentine
    Participant

    Hi Becky,
    Thank you for your message and I’m sorry you are going through the same oredeal.

    Unfortunately I don’t have any family and with my friends would be quite difficult to ask them to drop everything and come over. They have jobs and their own problems to deal with, I wouldn’t dare ask.

    Some days are really bad, then I pick myself up and when I’m a little bit better I get knocked down again.
    How are you coping?

    #47602 Report

    Valentine
    Participant

    Hi Greenfingers,

    Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately there’s no family to rely on.

    I completely agree with you, I don’t want my son to see his parents arguing. I remind him every time he starts, I kicked him out a few times, after pleading with him to stop.
    I’m hoping for a miracle. I’m hoping he will think of our son first. Every time he comes to visit I make sure I remind him of the small ears listening in.

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