I don’t know what to do for the best…

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  • #6617 Report

    Natjt13
    Participant

    Hi all. I’m new here and wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation, and is able to give me some advice.

    Heres the back story…

    6 years ago I did something i am ashamed of and that was completely out of character. I had a one night stand whilst on holiday abroad. As a result I got pregnant with my now 5 year old daughter. Her Dad is Turkish and was on holiday in the same resort and hotel as me. I am lucky enough to have had a family member living in Turkey for many years who was friends with the owner of the hotel we stayed in, and because of this she was able to speak to the father and tell him about the pregnancy. As expected, he wasn’t interested in making contact with me.

    I have always answered questions that my LG has asked about her dad, but more recently she has become quite upset by the fact that she doesn’t have a daddy but her family and friends do, and the questions have been daily. While sleeping at a family members house my LG asked if they could talk to me, and ask me to help her get to her daddy. I always expected that it wouldn’t be easy for her and that she would have many questions about where she comes from, but it’s breaking my heart that I can’t answer them all.

    Has anyone had a child without a father figure around that can offer me some advice? I’ve not been in a relationship since she was born so I think this could be part of the reason why she feels she’s missing out.

    I want the best for her, and I always want to be honest, but I don’t want her to feel like she wasn’t wanted. I really don’t know what to say or do…

    #6619 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Hello nat

    You should not be so  hard on yourself . You got pregnant and brought a child into this world onyour own. It is not 1918 and not scandal.

    <span style=”line-height: 1.5;”>Your child is happy not neglected and in a safe environment and you would do anything for her wouldn’t you?</span>

    So Iam in a similar situation and was married for over 20 years to a greedy drug taker and we had a childless marriage

    After my parent’s died I conceived a child from a donor and bring her up loved and wanted.  When I had 4 miscarriages my husband was out clubbing and whoring and I longed to hold a baby in my arms.

    You can go on line and get books to.help you explain to your daughter.

    My little one is autistic so everything is one big struggle. You just explain to.your daughter that she has a father and that you are no longer in contact.  As I said there are books that can you explain. It’s better to be honest now rather than later when the child grow a up she may resent you for not being truefull.

     

    #6622 Report

    Natjt13
    Participant

    Thank you for replying Sherima.

    I have always told her that her daddy lives in Turkey and never given her any false hope of seeing him, but she’s convinced she’s going to see him one day soon. It’s hard knowing that I’ll have to dash her hopes of ever meeting him. I do have a lot of his details so she could try to track him down one day when she’s old enough but at her age she’s just not old enough to understand that yet.

    I’ll have a look into the books you mentioned. Thank you

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