I do not know what to do

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  • #40631 Report

    LauraG
    Participant

    Hello.

    I am so worried.

    I am going through a difficult divorce. We have a 5 year old boy. We are living still together with my ex and it’s been really stressful, especially for his constant verbal abuse.

    Our son has never been away from me more than 1 day. I have always been at his side looking after him 24/7. But my ex has threaten me saying that he will apply for child arrangement. I was reading and I would not be able to bear even a share care. It is not fair. He never cared about our son. Just now when the financial is being done.

    Shall I just give all the financial things up? So I can be with my son?

    #40664 Report

    Robsheffield
    Participant

    Hi Laura

    Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. And I am also sorry how difficult your divorce is.
    i would say this –

    – Your child can’t be used like this in a divorce, by your ex or you. They can’t be used as a way of taking power/hurting the other person.
    – Would it benefit your son to not see his dad? Serious question – if it does because it puts the son at risk the fine but if not you have to think about what is best for your child, not you. I split from my wife and know how hard she found it to not be with our son all the time, but she put his relationship with his dad above that. The best parenting here is to do what is right for the kid, and seeing his dad is important.</span>

    – your son will always know you are his mum, always love you and that will never change. Your relationship will only get stronger, not weaker.
    – Me and my ex seem to coparent effectively and my son benefits from that. What I would say is to sit down with your partner and talk this through. Work with eachother as much as possible on this.

    keep in touch, more than happy to chat! I know how hard I find it not seeing my son but my feelings are calmed by knowing he is happy!

    #40675 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi Laura,

    It’s hard I know but you need to focus on what is best for your son. Losing contact with either parent isn’t good for him.

    Firstly, access and money aren’t necessarily linked so not claiming financial support won’t stop a claim for access.
    Secondly, the court will listen to your concerns because they look at what is best for the child. If your ex has never looked after his son, they will allow gradual access at first to ensure he copes safely and there is a bond,  Your ex does have a right to share the parenting of his son.

    Finally, if you think your ex is using the threat of access to bully you, his words may be all bluster. He may not carry it through. If his motivation is to bully you, will he really rearrange his life & career to look after a small child, do school runs, deal with homework etc?

    Try not to worry.

    #40676 Report

    Goodvibes
    Participant

    Hi Laura;

     

    just to say your not alone – I am facing similar and it very much feels that it is to take power and hurt. Sadly I don’t feel anyone is helping me with this.

    #40684 Report

    Gingerbread Dan
    Moderator

    Hi Laura, you have received some great advice. I would also recommend calling our free helpline if you do have any specific queries.  The number is 0808 802 0925 and the opening hours are: Monday 10am-6pm, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday 10am-4pm, Wednesday 10am-1pm & 5pm-7pm.

    Kind regards,

    Gingerbread Dan

    #40731 Report

    Endofmytether
    Participant

    Hi Laura

    I am going through a very similar situation at the moment, I have a 9 year old SEN son with my ex who has never had any involvement in his upbringing to the point he wouldn’t even know what medication he is on !
    Since the breakup he has wanted to see him every other day and phoned him at least twice a day !
    I am trying to be amicable but he is just using our son to get to me and is pumping him for information about me whilst he is with him, I fear for the emotional well being of my son !

    Sorry I can’t offer any advise but just know that your not alone x

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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