Hi all, my ex husband is very difficult I have nothing to say with days he will see my son is usually to fit his work schedule. We tried mediation with was a bit better but we need another because was so much to talk about. He didn’t agree and wanted to talk with me in person or treats to go to court. I am just fed up and tired of that controlling and been scared. The problem is that he wants him 3 days every week I don’t agree to that.. 2 days one week and 3 every other week and holidays I think is fair is it? Please tell me what you think. Thank You
The most important is that your son is happy, that he has a clear routine and that access fits with school (obviously not at the moment). How old is he? If 10 or more, what would he prefer?
Don’t feel threatened. You have offered mediation and your ex has refused, so let him take you to court. He may have refused it because it stops him bullying you or because of the cost. Either way, the court will decide access and then he can’t control you anymore.
Whilw I think its great that your ex wants to spend time with your son it isnt feasible for him to be dictating the when and where and for how long all of the time. If money is an issue you can tell him that there are some charities that offer free child focused mediation. But as Kathymumofone said – if he’s the one refusing mediation let the courts deal with it. The access does not have to fit in around your ex’s schedule it has to be in the best interest of the child. He has to make his life fit in around your son not the other way around. Personally I would get yourself some advice from a family law solicitor if you can. Many offer free initial consultations and you may get legal aid or find one to represent you pro bono if money is an issue. Don’t feel threatened by him. At the end of the day a judge isn’t going to give full custody to your ex so what have you got to be scared of with court? A judge is there to nake sure the best interests of the child are being met that’s all. But you need to get a letter from your mediator stating he’s refusing to attend and you need to get yourself some advice from a solicitor on the legal side of things.
In the mean time ensure any contact you have with you ex is over messenger or whatsapp etc so that you have a written record of every conversation. If you do speak to him in person for any reason record the conversations if you can so that again there is a record of what was said. Remain polite and civil and completely focused on the child – dont get drawn into any arguments with him. You tell him that until the matter is resolved temporary visitation will be the days you believe work best for the child and is fairest for everyone. It will be up to your ex whether he takes those days or not, the important thing is you’ve offered contact. You can have a family member or trusted family friend do the drop offs and pick ups if you dont want to see your ex because you feel he will cause arguments or you feel threatened.