I cry everyday

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  • #50906 Report

    Nicola
    Participant

    Last year I ended my relationship with my partner of 12 years and father to my amazing boys.

    I had been unhappy for sometime and had tried on numerous occasions to end the relationship but he never took me seriously I felt more like his mother than his partner. We didn’t even sleep in the same bed.

    I am originally from up North and moved near London to be with him I agreed to stay down here as he was distraught at the thought of his children being so far away fast forward a year he is in a new relationship she is pregnant he doesn’t have any relationship with his boys which is heartbreaking as they need their dad im doing my absolute best everyday to be the best mother I can be to my boys without any support at all from family or friends I’m feeling lonelier and lonelier everyday and wish I could just turn back time and never end the relationship I was lonely with him but not as lonely as this.I would love to go back up North now to be close to friends and family but I need to save enough money to be able to do so.

    It would be nice to hear from anybody that’s been in a similar situation it would be nice to hear from anybody to be honest x

    #50951 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello Nicola,

    being lonely within a relationship feels bad but being lonely without one seems to be even harder. I know this from experience. However, over time I have realized this is my loneliness and I can do with it, what I want. If I want to be sad and pity myself all day long, I can do so, or if I want to do something with my life, I can do so as well. So my life has been transformed a lot over the past four years and even though it’s lonely sometimes, a lot for the better. Having said this, what your ex does to your, I mean his and your, children, is playing the blame and guilt game at the expense of them. This might be a sign of him not being able to bond with someone. Not being able to identify other peoples needs appropriately. You can’t probably be more lonely in life than living with such a person, I know that from experience as well. And as there is only very little hope of him changing, it would be for the rest of your life. Whereas now, you can have hope of things changing for the better. So realistically, your situation now, is m much better. You just can’t see it atm. So the only thing I can advise you, is, wait and see. There is a time for everything. Let it happen.

    Have a good day

    #50952 Report

    Shaun1985
    Participant

    Hi Nicola. I am in a similar position, except I am up north but originally from the south. It is difficult, and lonely. Loneliness is so hard to combat.

    Once we are out of lockdown I can’t wait to get back to see my friends and family. Also, I am going to join some sports clubs and hopefully make some new friends

    #50960 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    Hello Nicola,

    My sentiments exactly.So often I think it would be easier to stay in a horrible relationship better than this… nothingness.

    I’ve not been able to work for Ages and I often think I’m losing my mind from the lonelines.Sometimes I’ve gone 4 or 5 days without talking to another adult face to face – which partly explains why I spend so much time trawling through the internet,and on here🙄

    Part of the problem is when we get lonely we tend to convince ourselves only we feel like this-everyone else is out having a great life-and then we compound the feelings of loneliness which makes it worse.It’s a vicious cycle! Well,if it helps at all…you’re Definitely not alone in your loneliness.😏 I hope things feel better for you soon somehow.💗

     

    #51005 Report

    Singlemumoftwogirls
    Participant

    Hi Nicola,

    That sounds like a really hard situation for you. I do hope you have some support.

    I do know exactly how you feel. Sometimes, on dark days, I wish I was back with my ex, but then, like sirtoby says, it can be lonelier living with someone who only ever puts their own needs first.

    I moved back up north a few years ago so nearly all my friends are down south. I really miss them, especially my male friends. My support bubble and family nearly all female so post june 21st, I would love to meet up with other single parents..especially if they have boys!!

    Take care and thank you for sharing xxx

     

    #51009 Report

    Dave654321
    Participant

    I’m at the other end to this, my wife and i separated because she felt like she was mothering me and doing all the stuff that needs feelings. I would give my left nut if she would take me back and I could try harder to be the man that she needs.

    This being said, If I’m truly honest with myself, I know that she will probably be happier with somebody more emotionally connected than I have been over the years. So in the long run I want what’s best for her, and you are probably in the same boat.

    You could try dating sites like match.com to find a partner who also has kids?

    As far your ex not having a relationship with your boy, that’s really not on from him, I can’t imagine not seeing my girl for a couple of days, so not seeing her and grow up without me would kill me. I think this might be more proof you did the right thing.

    Stay strong

    #51024 Report

    DavidM
    Participant

    I think you ended your message with a solution for yourself and by extension also your kids; moving back north.

    Do the people you know there know that you want to move back north? They might be able to keep an eye out for housing etc.?

    It would be ideal of course if you had a family member or something with two houses that could give you a temporary good deal:) or something like that, just getting back to a place that can make you comfortable again, can make all the difference.

    at least we have spring to look forward to! (that helps for me anyway, winter sucked).

    #51064 Report

    Nicola
    Participant

    Thanks for all your replies guys much appreciated xx

    #51069 Report

    Gabrielle_V
    Participant

    @Nicola, I’m so very sorry to hear about your situation.

    It was really very noble of you to stay in London to facilitate a relation between your boys and their father, it’s heartbreaking to hear what has since happened. London is an expensive and often, lonely city, even long before the pandemic. That was incredibly selfless.

    It can be confusing looking back, wondering ‘what if?’, but more often than not, leaving was the correct choice. You may need to little more time, and perhaps, some distance.

    I think moving back North could be a very healing process for you and the boys.

    You’ve got this.

    #51157 Report

    Dorisasks
    Participant

    I am so sorry you are feeling so sad, but it won’t be like this forever, and you will find a way.

    Try making a list of what you want to do and the steps you must take to do it. I think when you are upset it helps to simplify things x

    #51159 Report

    kathmaria143
    Participant

    Hi Nicola, I know at the moment life is hard. If you are staying in a broken unrespected relationship it would never going to get better. Think of your boys how you have saved them from a broken family environment. You can make it work. Believe in yourself just like your boys do.

    Financially you can apply for universal credits to pay for bills and save money to return to your place of choice. Maybe friends or family could help you get there. Maybe even talk to your chosen destination council is there any housing options they can help you with. Even hardship funds could be an option via the council or charities.

    The greatest thing I can say to you is don’t give up hope. You will get back home.

    Thanks Katherine

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