I can’t move out

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  • #42378 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    My partner has been asking me to leave for years. We carry on like everything is okay but it’s not. She does not love me and I know I must leave. Thing is I can’t.  we have two small children 4 and 8 and I know they will be devastated. My name is not on the tenancy agreement but I don’t see why I should leave and rent a room in house I would not be able to See my kids when I want. My ex partner says I am keeping her a prisoner. I don’t know what to do.

    #42975 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    I need help! My partner is saying I am abusing her by staying. She states she does not love me and will do anything to make me leave. On weekends she just stays in her bedroom and watches her phone. She has told me that she slept with some else three years ago and is telling me now because She wants me to leave. I have no money and I am worried about seeing my children if I leave. plus I still love her. She has said I am no man and if I loved her I would leave.

    #42977 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Your life probably needs some changes. Think about what you can change and make a list. Who is putting in the work to raise the children and who is bringing in the money and what will be the arrangements for the future. Adults have responsibilities and you might want to think about what part in taking responsibility you want to play.  Seeing the children might not be your biggest problem. If she thinks you are abusing her, you should clearly try to find a way to resolve this and love  usually doesn’t manifests itself in making your partner feel bad. Time to make some tough decisions.

    #42999 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    I am trying to keep my family together, nothing I do is right I try to do everything I can to please her but I just get it wrong.  By living with someone against their will I guess I am doing wrong. I don’t think I am abusive but I guess a abuser would say that.

    #43004 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Family doesn’t stop when you move out. You just reach a different state. You need to focus on yourself. What is it you can do for yourself. You can only change yourself. Take responsibility for your own life and try to please yourself, take yourself serious and take serious what she says. If she doesn’t want you any more and you are in a position with little or no rights, it is hard but there are still areas where you are in control. Your life. Live it. Now you are still in control to find a place to stay. Maybe one day you will find your belongings on the pavement and you are homeless. You will surely have more problems seeing the children then.

    #43022 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    So after a conversation I have till 31/12/2020 to find somewhere else to live. I won’t be reminded after every argument about this and I have been give the time to do this right.  Time to start making a budget and preparing! Who knows maybe after a few months things will change. But that is on both sides of this relationship. I have time and a little hope.

    #43031 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    hello ccg,

    a first step. You agreed to something which means you start to accept the situation. Your situation, the one you are in. Now you need to get on top of it. Step by step. A budget is a very good first idea. Try to concentrate your hopes on what you can change yourself. Not what your partner might change. You and the welfare of the children are the centre of the attention, your partner has made up her mind in the moment. Sometimes you just have to admit to pain. It is there and it really, really hurts. But there are still things you can do. Let us know where you are on the first of January 2021.

    #43048 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    Weekend is coming up! and it’s going to be raining which means my ex partner will be in her room watching her phone and I will be downstairs with the kids! Maybe I should suggest that we do things individually my weekends your weekends etc.

    #43065 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    I would suggest you concentrate on yourself and it is basicaly none of your business what she is doing as long as it is not interfering with what you are doing. I took the boys to our local brook and we used to build damms when it rained. Football training in the park for hours. Ask them what kind of pizza they like, get a receipe, go shopping with them for all the ingredients, plaster the kitchen with binbags, make the pizza together, eat it, clean the kitchen together and when you have taken them to bed and read their story, you will be so freeking tired, you don’t care what she is doing on her phone anyway. If you want to take the family thing serious you need to focus. Did you set up your budget and what else did you do to get a place to stay? Don’t moan bout what she is doing, be creative in what you are doing.

    #43075 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    I know. I just can’t bare to see her in bed all day not moving Looking all depressed. She said that the reason she knew I did not care for her was that when this happened I just left her to get on with it instead of talking to her. Now I try and it’s a problem I can’t win.

    #43119 Report

    Kath
    Participant

    I have always had the view that the person who wants to end the relationship should be the one to move out of the home. It makes no sense to force the other person to leave, it’s just wrong. In your boots I would be staying put with my children if that’s what you want to do. Let her go and find a new home for herself. You could look at having the tenancy transfered to your name and keep your home. Why should you be the one to rearrange your life to suit someone else?

    #43129 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    Yeah I just think it’s standard that the children stay with the mother. Besides i don’t have the energy to fight.

    #43142 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello Ccg,

    standard is, the children stay, where their interests are served best. We have dads who do qualify as primary carers because they manage to serve the wellbeing of their children more than the mother. It isn’t a problem of gender.

    The housing problem is more precarious one as you are not on the tenancy. It could be possible to change that, the question is, is it easier than finding a place on your own.

    You not having the energie to fight is something only you can change. I hope you find it in you to do so. I wouldn’t describe it as fighting anyway. It is a case of taking responsibility. Prolonging the situation as is doesn’t seem to be a good thing for your children. From what you have written I would think you should think about a change in their best interest.

     

    #43147 Report

    Ccg17
    Participant

    The landlord won’t want to get drawn into this dispute if I go down this road it will only increase the bad feeling with my ex and my children will suffer. I have to move out and build a home for them when they are with me.

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)

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