I am doubting myself

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    Hi all – I’m technically still in a couple, but…

    He cheated on me while I was pregnant, fell in love with his mistress, hid it for weeks/months, convinced me to try to make it work as a polyamorous relationship as she’s kind of a friend (while I was dealing with becoming a new mum and super vulnerable) but I just couldn’t, and now he got her pregnant (3 months along!) and she’s keeping the baby.

    He wants us all to live near each other so he can bring the babies over to each other’s houses so he can see them all in what limited time he has after work… He says he loves me and doesn’t want our thing to end but I just can’t keep going on like this.

    I need to leave. I just do. It’s not good for me or for our 9-month old son to live like this, I am miserable all the time. But then sometimes he’s nice and all is normal and it’s lovely and I doubt myself. I don’t have anywhere to go. My family lives abroad and I don’t have any friends who could host me + baby. I want to take baby and go to my mum’s at least for a couple of weeks to think things through, but I’m so scared of what he’ll say and do if I say this (I don’t think he’d ever get violent). I don’t want to lose my son. I’m scared he’d try to take him away from me. I’m scared he’d report me for kidnapping (even though I think I legally can take him abroad up to 28 days, especially if I discuss it with the dad first). I would never prevent him from seeing his son but I want my son to live with me.

    Can anyone just reassure me that leaving him doesn’t necessarily make me the bad guy? I’m pretty sure he’s been low key gaslighting me for months so I feel like a shitty partner even though he’s the one who went and created himself a second family.

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