Hi this is the first time I have been on here. I separated from my daughters father 2 years ago and am still struggling with interactions with him which I am sure isn’t helping my child but I have had some issues with him that have made me concerned and so I have had to act on these and my child is bewildered by this and is angry and upset. Any advice on how to help her would be appreciated. She is 8 years old. I have tried to maintain her contact with him – she sees him three afternoons a week – he picks her up from school and then drops her at my mums so that any upset between us isn’t seen by her. he has recently swopped jobs – this has meant he has had to buy a van so he can pick her up on time as he is working out of town. 5 weeks ago when this happened I asked him if she had a car seat in the van – he said he would get one and when I later asked him he said he had it. When I had first mentioned to my daughter that he would be driving to pick her up she became hysterical (as the last vehicle he had he crashed!) I reassured her we had talked about keeping her safe, having seat etc. last week he dropped her with me rather than mum as mum had been poorly. When I asked if I could see this new van I found he had no seat. My daughter was very upset and worried I was cross with her as she hadn’t told me and she knew I thought it was important but he had told her not to tell. When I asked her if she wanted grandma to pick her up instead she was so pleased and seemed really relieved 0 looking back I think this has really been bothering her! because he has been lying about it and I felt this was an important topic I have said he cannot pick her up again until I see that he has this – he told me I was making a fuss because “he wouldn’t get caught not having one” I don’t really think this is the point! My daughter is angry with me – she says she cant understand why I cant just buy him one but I worry that this shows that he isn’t thinking of her safety and I am afraid I have dug my heels in – especially when he rang to tell me he couldn’t afford one – from the pub!!!!!!! I need her to know I will always keep her safe but I feel if I let this one go and get one for him there may be other times she doesn’t feel safe and she wont be able to tell me. What should I do?
Thanks for your reply – she is tall for her age but still well below what she should be to not have a booster seat – I tried her in my car just to make sure I wasn’t over reacting and the seatbelt was way too high for her to sit comfortably and securely even at its lowest height. He is making me feel like I am just making this huge fuss so it was nice to see from your reply that I wasn’t! I used to work in Accident and Emergency and saw loads of kids brought in after crashes who hadn’t been properly secured so this is a huge issue for me (which he well knows!)