Husbands left me and I was stay at home mum. Need advice on divorce please

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  • #18351 Report


    My husband of 8 years has told me he wants a divorce and has left me. He’s been the working parent and I’ve been at home looking after our 6 year old child. He’s trying to say he wants to do an online divorce. The thing is I’ve found out he been taking lots of money out our joint account. He denies that he’s been saving it. He’s telling me the equity we have is a lot less than I thought it was. Im stupid as I let him control the finances. Now I’m penniless and living in the marital home. He’s still paying all the bills until after Xmas. He told me I then have to take a lump sum and go and find a rental. I have no money to get a solicitor to look into all this and to find out exactly where this money has been going. Which he denies that it’s gone anywhere, I’m talking thousands has been going out the account into a separate account of his. On top of this he is saying he wants our child three nights a week! I’m totally distraught I have no money at all to take any legal action or pay a solicitor to fight for what’s rightfully mine. I have no job as he’s always been the e-learning on a good salary. I don’t just want to walk away with a lump sum as it’s rentals are so expensive plus all he’s offering is some child support on top of that. Hard thing is I still have feelings for him yet I feel like I don’t know him anymore. I feel like he’s been plotting this for ages hence why he’s taking money out of the joint account. Yet I haven’t got any money to fight this. It’s like the only option I have is to accept his offer 😢 any advice I would greatly appreciate

    #18352 Report


    Sorry meant earning not e-learning

    #18356 Report


    Hi Joanna,

    so sorry you’re having a tough time.

    you are right not to take a lump sum. If you are married, you are entitled to a settlement of at least half of the equity in the house plus half of the marital assets.

    also since you have children, he cannot legally just force you all out of the house.

    you need to see a solicitor. Find one who will give you a free 30 minutes. Take as much paperwork with you as you can find- marriage certificate, bank account numbers, mortgage company etc. Your husband won’t be able to transfer assets out without leaving a paper trail. Let the solicitor guide you. Their fees come out of joint assets too so don’t be put off.

    Good luck


    #18368 Report


    He’s saying all the equity one lump sum once we sell. We have a holiday home too and he’s on about putting all the equity to buy that out right and then let me live there. Once our child is 18 sell it and split the difference. I’m just broken and trying to fight it but like I say having no money is hard. On top of all that he’s saying he wants to keep our friendship. That he’s doing right by me and would never do me out of money? Yet on the same breath refused to get solicitors involved to make it fair and wants to do it all on our own. He’s moved out to friends and I’m in the marital home with our child. He sees them a few nights a week overnight at where he is. It breaks me but I would never deny them to see each other.

    I just feel I have no knowledge of the legal system on top of that no job or money. I’m too destroyed to find a job. It’s hard enough basically functioning. I’ve lost nearly two stone in three weeks 😢

    #18372 Report


    I have no money to get a solicitor to look into all this and to find out exactly where this money has been going. Which he denies that it’s gone anywhere, I’m talking thousands has been going out the account into a separate account of his.

    Typically financial matters are either arranged amicably between the two parties (and then, advisably, sealed via a court order so everybody is clear on what the agreement is) … or it goes to court. The court process is a long one and starts with one party filing a Form A and paying the court fee. The court then requires both parties to file a lot of information about their finances before the court will arrange a hearing (or “First Appointment”) – including the last 12 months of bank statements and last 12 months of records of any accounts held anywhere in the UK or abroad.

    It is a criminal offence to lie when filing this financial information. If he has money secreted away somewhere this should come out during this disclosure process. You don’t get this information by hiring a solicitor. You get it by filing a Form A at court (either directly yourself or through a solicitor).

    In which part of the UK are you based?

    #18379 Report


    You should definitely see a solicitor. Do not do it yourself !!

    The money in his account is legally half yours and also any pension benefit he may hold.

    #18380 Report


    I agree with Betty, you are not best placed to do this yourself, but solicitors cost money …and you say you have none.

    You could at least take the free  consultation offered by Wikivorce. Then you get a further free session or two by phoning around the solicitors who offer an initial free consultation.

    Or you could raise your questions here and see who has answers.

    #18384 Report


    I know I might sound paranoid but I’m kind of nervous to put too much on here. Not that I’m aware he goes on here but you just never know.

    You say about filling in form A can I still do this if he’s only willing to do a DIY divorce?

    I’m so low right now it’s untrue and so confused about how I’m going to get anyone to look at his finances if I can’t support the investigation financially. I read up that divorces can run into thousands

    #18385 Report


    Just read the financial side of divorce to investigate money issues can run into thousands and take years

    #18400 Report


    Joanne, I repeat my question about which part of the UK you are in. When it comes to divorces, the situation in Scotland is quite different to that in England and Wales.

    #18433 Report


    My ex took large sums of money out and put in mothers bank account . She refused to hand over bank statements  as she has 200k knocking around  so the divorce dragged on to the extent it cost 50k.  the legal team will force you to sell your house so that they can get paid. You are entitled to some of his pension. My ex never paid into his pension even though he has a very well paid job. I have to cash mine to pay him off. If he is wanting a diy divorce then I suggest you go online and get some free legal advice.  I didn’t have money but when the home was sold I had to take out extra to pay the barristers fees. It all sounds quite suspect really.


    #37174 Report


    I am so sorry this has happen to you! I was in a exact similar situation except I was under domestic violence and domestic violence and my ex / abuser used to get all my salary and manage finances, because I trusted him…

    My advice based on real similar experience:

    – Get emotional support. You will need to be strong. Then try to talk with him about couple negotiation but be aware of protecting yourself first because the rug was already taken under your feet.

    – Avoid arguments and being personal. Just try to do steps to protect yourself and detach yourself from him, maybe just trying to resolve situation with couple mediation but also working on your rights in the background, so you protect yourself and your children.

    – Get legal support. Get a lawyer right now. Being unable to have a lawyer in court means you will loose rights, even if Social Services are on your side. If you cannot afford one Google Rights of Women and they will help you with legal support. Get a loan if you have too also to pay for lawyer from your family or friends. Whatever you do don’t go to court without being represented. You will lose rights and even your children because you are not at work.

    – Stay in your home. Don’t leave. You have the right to ask to keep in your home if you have children and you should have the right to half of that house.

    – Your ex wants more 3 days with the children so he doesn’t have to pay so much child maintenance I think.  Get Child Maintenance involved now. Don’t just get agreements with your ex on payments. Check if it is the right amount based on his salary. You can do this online.

    – Write a record of everything . Get physical paperwork and bank transactions.

    – Just concentrate on your children and you. Basically you have been betrayed. A good person wouldn’t behave like this. You and your children deserve better.

    This is my sincere advice. I hope it helps.

    #37200 Report


    Thank you so much everyone for your support, I’ve had one hell of a yes. Turns out he was cheating with my best friend. He’s still with her now. We are divorced my friend loaned me the money for a solicitor. It has cost me 25k so far. I guess I really never knew my husband after 16 years together!
    I don’t think I’ve ever gone through anything as traumatic as this. 16 months later we are still arguing over money.
    Anyone going through divorce. My advice is do not communicate with your ex.

    #37401 Report

    Joanne. I went through a similar experience. In 2002. Best friend and other half. Total double betrayal. Worse than a death. Feel like you can’t trust anyone and hate yourself because all the signs were there. All the support from your best friend was fake and she was secretly loving the total devastation in your life. She sabotaged you. The two belong together and you mark my words they will betray each other. It’s going to be very hard to trust. You need to concentrate on you and your children.  …. people are 50% of the time good 50% sly. You are a good one so be proud of yourself. Xxxx best wishes

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