Husband of 5 years has come out

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  • #44458 Report


    My husband of 5 years (together 10) came out to me last week.

    I’m confused, lost, hurt, desperately sad and don’t know what to do.

    We have 2 kids together and a lot of happy memories. He’s my best friend and I fully support him in his new life choice.

    We’ve agreed to stay living together until our current tenancy expires IN Feb 2020 but I feel like I need to talk to others who have gone through this, as at the moment I can only talk to friends and family, but no one that I know has gone through this kind of situation for me to get guidance on it.



    #44465 Report


    Hi, I can empathise with you.

    My ex partner, my daughter’s dad, came out as transgender after being together for 5 years when my daughter was two. Turned out that there had been affairs, prostitutes and £1000s of pounds being spent on this obsession.
    It’s been six years since that day. It took at least 4 years to heal, but I will never trust another man again…EVER!

    I am on fairly good terms with my ex, but have no respect for her. She’s spent tens of thousands of pounds on the transformation and is now jobless and in mega debt after a successful career with a six figure salary but no one wants to employ her. Can’t blame them; since she transitioned she has been unreliable and sued two businesses for “discrimination”.

    My advice from my experiences would be:

    Cherish your family and accept all the help that is offered. Pride is useless and pointless in these situations and does not put food on the table.
    Write a massive list of all the things you need to get sorted I.e. find a house, sign on for universal credit, see citizens advice, speak to the council for an emergency loan, speak to the banks, schools etc. Deal with three of those things every day.

    Formalise maintenance arrangements, get it in writing. Have a set date you agree on and how much. Formalise access, children thrive on routine and they need both their parents.

    Don’t insult your ex to your children but also don’t make them out to be a saint either. Be age appropriate and honest with them. You’re not the bad one in all this, kids always take it out on mum and make sure you’re honest with them when they do that about how it makes you feel.

    If you feel like your head and heart  are going to explode, pick up the phone and call The Samaritans. They are amazing.

    Keep getting up, having a routine even through the darkest days. That routine will keep you going no matter what. Accept the fact there will be good days and bad but you have to keep going because that’s what us mums do!

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