Husband not cooperating with separation

[GraciejaneParticipant]

Hi,

I’ve posted before about wanting to leave my husband who I’ve struggled with for years and who is emotionally abusive. We have  been to counselling etc and i really do feel this is the end. We have a joint mortgage and 2 kids.

Initially I wanted to buy him out the house but have now decided the better option is to sell. However he is not on board. After initially saying ‘do what you want’ he refused to give me the documents I needed to put the house up for sale. Hes decided he wants to fight me so that he can tell our children when they are older that he tried to keep the family together.

I have made an appointment with a solicitor but just wondered if anyone had any similar experiences and what the outcome was. Do I need to start a divorce to sell? Thanks

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

If you’re living together and not separately within the home then you cannot divorce. Ideally as part of this you’d manage the finances and in theory can force a sale, but this will add further time and cost.

 

Ideally I’d separate your finances as much as possible. Likewise the bills etc.  Do you work?

Ultimately ATM you want to do xyz and have no more right to do so than he has not to do so.

If his pov is to show that he tried to save the family from the nasty mummy/wife then you maybe time wise better off waiting for him to accept that it’s not going to resolve by making sure that you are living separate lives as would allow a divorce to proceed.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Here is a list of the obvious things that you and your husband cannot share if wish to divorce and live under same roof:

A bank account

A bedroom

This is a list of the less obvious things that you can no longer do:

Cook and eat meals together

Share children’s activities

Socialise together

Go Shopping

Share laundry and domestic chores

Watch TV together

Maintaining separate lives means you have to live completely different lives.

[GraciejaneParticipant]

Thanks, this all sounds like it could go on for years and is very depressing! I do work but am on mat leave until august. Thanks for the list. Its difficult to separate finances when there is a joint mortgage  nursery fees etc. I had an appointment with a solicitor but now think I should have at least attempted mediation first. My head is spinning!

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Worst case it would take the two years.

I would separate the mortgage by one of you paying it and the other paying the other in the bank account with the title mortgage. OR better still BOTH pay half of the amount from each of your own accounts. The rest should be easily managed in the same manner such as nursery.

[CFParticipant]

Hi,

I was – and unfortunately despite moving out still am –  in a similar situation, stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, but he agreed to sell the joint property.  I was able to file for divorce while living under the same roof, the mediator didn’t mention what we should/shouldn’t be doing together – but it was such an awful situation I would cowar in my childs room for the evening when my husband got in from work – we hadn’t been doing any of the things solomummy mentions (shopping together/watching tv, there was an odd rare occasion where we would attend child activities but very rare), I felt too scared to be in the same room.

You have to attend mediation before divorce, but if he is unwilling to attend you can attend alone and have it noted by the mediator (that he was unwilling to attend), good luck

[GraciejaneParticipant]

Thanks @cf i hope things improve for you now your away from him. I feel like this is a never ending nightmare at the minute 😑

[LolaModerator]

Hi CF

It sounds like you’ve had a difficult time.  You can contact the Women’s Aid domestic violence helpline as they deal with current and historic abuse.  Here’s a link.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

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