Husband not being honest about finances

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  • #8274 Report



    My husband of 10 years left in October saying that he was depressed and briefly moved in with his mother. We have a 7 year old daughter who has had a lot of health issues including cancer. She is thankfully is currently well but has additional health needs and is not the most robust child.

    Within a week of him leaving I discovered that he had been seeing the mother of some of our daughter’s school friends. He admitteded it when I confronted him and he moved in within days. Her husband had just left the week before. She has 5 kids under the age of 9.

    i am divorcing him on the grounds of adultery which he has admitted. The problems are financial. He is on a good wage and I have worked part time since our daughter was born. We both work shifts and i can’t go back to work full time without affecting my daughter’s stability. She would rarely see either of us.

    We have been having mediation over our daughter’s care when I’m at work and he does help out. I have accepted that she will have to spend nights with her father and his new partner and our daughter does enjoy her time there.

    However, he had been less than truthful over lots of issues – there’s a long list of things he has and hasn’t done like not turning up for the mediation appointments at first. He halved the money he was paying in maintenance without telling me and the CMA have been less than helpful as ‘he now has responsibility for 5 other children’. My solicitor for the divorce showed me is financial disclosure and he is claiming that he now has 6 children and pays all the rent, utility bills, council tax, and for all food, clothing etc bills for all the children. He had lived there 4 months and known his new partner for a total of 6 months. She has an income from benefits and the children’s father pays maintenance. They also have grandparents locally where they spend nights.

    I am struggling financially and am struggling to keep a roof over our daughter’s head on a part-time salary. Surely he can’t be fully financially responsible to 5 children who aren’t his, who have their own father and mother who are also providing for them. Surely it’s grossly unfair on our daughter that she may lose her home because of her father’s decision to move in with a woman with 5 kids? Any advice?

    i hasten to add that i am glad the marriage is over – he was emotionally abusive and controlling. If it was just me, he could take what he wanted from the house etc and I would be skipping off into the sunset rubbing my hands in glee that I had escaped. I’m just trying to get our beautiful precious daughter through this and keep life as stable as possible for her.

    #8276 Report


    Surely the father of the five has to be paying something unless your husband has adopted them which he can’t possibly have had time to do. Your solicitor sounds rubbish. This isn’t my area of expertise. I would sound out a different solicitor to see what they say. I’m not surprised the CMA are a bit weak because they have lots of cases but your solicitor is paid to work for you.

    I’m sure others on here must know better than me.

    #8281 Report


    Thankyou. Their dad is paying maintenance and sees them quite a bit. I think you’re right that I need to get another opinion from a solicitor (😬 This is going to sink me completely, I’m paying for the whole divorce) because I can’t believe he can get away with saying he’s totally financially responsible for someone else’s kids.

    #8283 Report


    Anonymous, Thankyou, did answer your message but god knows where it went!

    That does make it clearer but no less painful! I can accept what he’s done to me but am so angry with what he has done to his daughter. She was a much longed for ivf baby who was then extremely premature and then had cancer as a toddler. How do you walk away from any child but especially one who has been through so much and so fought for life? She adores him and it breaks my heart because he doesn’t deserve it. He knows she is at real risk of losing her home because of his behaviour but doesn’t care. I’m pretty honest with her about it being daddy’s choice to leave and that we have much less money than we did. I’m writing everything down that he does and she can choose then later in life if she wants to know.


    #8291 Report


    I feel for you. It is shocking when parents don’t pay for their children’s needs. I struggled with the CSA for years then in November mine changed over to the CMS, I now have a designated person there and so far so good. I went for the ‘take payment at source’ option and they carried over the £23k that he owes and they ensure he pays 40% of his net income every month. They can go to HMRC to establish what the income is and they can calculate it that way.

    I’d go back to the CMS as they are a lot more organised than the CSA were as they get a cut of the payment they take from the non- resident parent.

    Paying for solicitors I found a complete waste of time.

    Hope this helps you.


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