Husband is an addict, final straw but financial worries

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  GingerbreadJustine 2 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #32376 Report

    CC2019
    Participant

    Hi everyone

     

    I am new here and a little nervous to post as I usually keep things to myself.
    For 10.5 years from 17-27 I’ve been with my husband. Married for 2 years and 2 children. 5&9

    my husband has always had drink and drug issues. I used to believe these were just occasional but I know recently they haven’t been. He doesn’t go out, stays at home doing drugs when me and the kids are in bed. He’s a compulsive liar and has made me think I’m crazy when I know I am not.
    I’ve finally asked him to leave after months of crisis talks, he’s done nothing about anything and has continued to do drugs and lie.
    I just want a happy safe life for myself and my children but the worries I have now are financial. We both have joint debt, loans & are 50/50 on the mortgage. But I can not afford to live off my own wages. I have forced him to leave tonight after another drug incident but my worry is the mortgage and bills etc. How and what can I do? I just want to sell the house and pay off my debts which will be covered from the equity but I am so scared of where we are going to go.
    What help can we get? Will we be helped with housing? We have never missed a payment on any debts etc. It’s just sending me into overdrive about how I am going to cope and what do to :(.
    Any help will be gratefully received at this difficult time

    Thank you for listening x

    #32387 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi CC,

    Where has your husband gone? Back to his parents? His name is on the mortgage so he is still liable for the payments, despite not living there.

    Hopefully you kicking him out will be the jolt he needs although maybe not. I hope it is. You need to talk to him about child maintenance as soon as possible.

     

    You sound like you have a good credit rating so it might be best to sell the house, buy somewhere less expensive that you can manage on your own, and then have a year of careful economising to clear your debts. It would be a shame to give up on owning now. You deserve better. I found when I split from my ex (also an alcoholic) that life can be much less expensive without a man about.

    Can you go onto interest only with the mortgage until you sell? Would that help clear some of it? Call the council immediately to get your council tax reduced. Can your family help? I sold lots of stuff on eBay, stopped buying branded groceries, cooked rather than takeaways,  stopped pay TV etc and it made a big difference.

    Maybe talk to Citizens advice about getting the debt frozen while you sort it out.  Well done for finding the strength, I know it isn’t easy x

    #32393 Report

    CC2019
    Participant

    Hi Kathy.

    Thank you for replying to me. It’s almost like a weight has been lifted now I am being open and seeking help.
    First thing tomorrow I will call the mortgage company and discuss my options. I don’t want to give up my home but I am willing to if it easies the pressure financially.
    my parents can and will help I just want to see what I can do for myself first so I don’t feel I have lost all independence.

    I will definitely make some calls tomorrow and start sorting it as soon as possible so it doesn’t get any worse but I feel more confident hearing from you. Financially I think I could manage as having him not here will save lots as the money being spent on drink drugs and rubbish food out of his laziness.
    Thank you. C x

    #32394 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    Hi

    Though clearing the debts sounds ideal, you may we’ll find yourself in the situation that due to you having had a lump sum of equity that you’re not entitled to benefit support for six months as they may view this as you depriving yourself of the income that you could have lived off.

    In an ideal works I’d see if there’s a way of juggling a mortgage etc and debts.

    #32405 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    It took me 18 months to be clear, moved and balancing the books. It was a bit tight for a few months and I got tired of beans on toast 😁 but the relief when it was done made it worth it.

    Good luck x

    #32467 Report

    Hi CC2019

    Its important that you get the right advice for your particular situation.  Our helpline is staffed by trained advisers that will be able to help you explore your options.  They will be busy so please expect to wait before your call is answered but all calls will be free.

    Kind regards, Justine

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