How young is too young for overnights?

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    Dlh081217
    Participant

    So myself and my husband broke up before our daughter was born. He has seen her every other Sunday for a few hours at my parents house since she was born, never been fully alone with her, due to his countless lies and mental health issues.

    Shes now almost 9 months old, he’s only recently been taking her back to London (100 miles from me) every other Saturday, to spend time with his parents (where he lives). I only allow him to take her in the car if another adult is present!

    She stayed there at the end of August, Aparently slept all night, good as gold.

    She stayed this weekend just passed too, Aparently he kept her in the same shouting as I do, she fell asleep at 2.30 for under 30 mins, they returned to me at 5pm and she then didn’t go to bed till 9pm! Which to me, is not right, considering she doesn’t ever go over 4.5 hours without a nap!

    Hes known for being a compulsive liar, hence the separation, hiding debts, lying about medical conditions, brain washing my eldest children and even lying to the barber about his job and sick lies – two that’ll always stick with me (Aparently I misscarried and he had to leave work & another he told the barber… that his work partners baby daughter was diognosed with cancer, that’s why the closed their business!!

    Basically, what I’m getting at, is I feel he’s lying to me on many levels about our daughter, when she arrives back she’s so unsettled. Won’t sleep in her cot, has to be near me, crawls after me, she was such a content baby and I feel like this has really messed with her. It took 4 days to get her back into routine last time & im on day 4 this time and it’s still not where it should be.

    As much as most parents would love a weekend to themselves every other weekend, it’s actually feeling like it’s not worth it, because it’s taking me the whole week and more to get her back on track! So by the time she’s due another, it’ll be the same thing over again.

    Ive spent everyday with this child and I know her so well. So surprises me she would sleep a full night with a man she’s never seen around her mother, miles away from home, in a house she’s only been tooo for a few hours in a travel cot!

    I feel I have been pushed into somthing that neither me or my daughter are ready for!

    The look on her face when she arrives home Sunday and see me. She was ecstatic and kicking away in her car seat. It was like OMG mummy, there you are!!

    I’m not stating that I’d like to end contact, but I think sleepovers shouldn’t be happening! Nothing more I want then my daughter having a bond with her father and grandparents, but the lies… they need to stop.

     

    Is 8 months too early for her to be so far away from me for that amount of time?

    #15721 Report

    Dlh081217
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply, your advice is much appreciated.

    I totally understand what your saying and I’m not saying I want to stop the visits or contact, I was just asking advice. I have mentioned to him about collecting her on a Saturday morning and returning her on a Sunday morning rather then Sunday evening might work out better. He’s not interested.

    Previous to the birth of our daughter he was threating to kill himself and when baby was born he threatened to take her. On one occasion we was in separate cars, he stormed off with the baby and didn’t return home, this is while he was having a breakdown, he took over an hour to return home and had no explanation.

    He also handed in the notice on our home we rented and left me and 3 children homeless. The police are aware of what he had threatened as I had to have a marker put on the temp accommodation myself and the children moved to, incase he turned up.

    He is asked to have someone with him on journeys because of the distant he lives from me, like I stated it’s 100 miles one way… so on his own, on motorways, if she needed seeing to it could be very dangerous.

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