How/ when to arrange holiday access?

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  • #43577 Report


    Hello, I’ve been separated for a year and my ex won’t coparent with me at all. He communicates through the children and any attempt I make to try and arrange access is painful…he strings everything out and avoids responding if possible. My current issue is that I want to organise when he will see the children at half term and in the Christmas holidays (and Christmas Day!) so I emailed him a few weeks ago saying please could he respond with his proposed dates a week later so we could discuss. He didn’t. I chased. He said he’d do it sometime. I said please do it now or I’d allocate dates. He didn’t. I left it a few more days and still had heard nothing (even more frustrating as he is u employed so I know he’s got plenty of time). I said if you don’t reply by tomorrow at 4 I’ll assume he wants to just stick to the normal term time access with an extra overnight when he normally has them for dinner on a Wednesday. He responded that he was waiting to hear from his family and he would communicate through his lawyer on this from now on. Argh!!! So frustrating? I just want to plan but he loves to punish me / drag things out / feel in control. There was coercive control in our marriage and any communication like this makes me feel so stressed out.

    My question is – when do you set the holiday dates with your ex? Do you plan for the year ahead? Or term by term? I’m especially interested in hearing from those who have abusive exes that they need to limit contact with. Is anything enforceable by law? Ie making him organise it by a set date or lose it?


    thank you!

    #43579 Report


    I have the same problem even with a court order in place.  My ex is also abusive and the court have told him that he is not allowed to phone or text me unless there is an emergency with the kids and he is not allowed to my house we do drop offs and pick ups in a supermarket carpark.

    Our current agreement is he has them two set nights in the week and every other weekend and we alternate christmas so we either have them christmas eve and christmas day until 4pm or 4pm christmas day and boxing day regardless of who’s days it falls on.  We are supposed to communicate by email to arrange school holidays but he often doesn’t reply to me.  I am considering going back to court to get the school holidays set in stone to stop this, he has also moved and is refusing to tell me his new address.

    My ex is also controlling, it took me 4 years to get a divorce and 5 years to get our house sold (i moved out with the kids and he remained in it) and the kids are the only way he can interfere and try to control me now.


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