How to transition from when your kids were children to being grown up a

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  • #62316 Report


    How do I switch my mindset and my emotions from letting go.
    My children are all grown up and I find it hard to let go. They both live with me.



    #62345 Report


    Orphaned parents, that is how I like to call us. They just leave, and we have to stay behind and watch them go. Especially hard to swallow when you have been a single parent in a dysfunctional co-parenting environment. It is a bit like Sisyphus, once you manage to keep the stone on top of the mountain, you will lose your purpose, your task,  all that you are. You are the person, condemned to roll the stone up the mountain by divine order until the end of time. It is what defines your identity.   As hard as it is, it is also your only source of pride, self-esteem and sense of achievement.  Your plight also guarantees your place in the world. 4000 years ago this story was written. Someone really had a hard time letting go.

    Since Kant we are aware, there is something like our own free will and rationale, which sets us free from the constrains of a world ruled by divine order. This gives us choices. But those come with a price. The currency is uncertainty. The more you divert from the concept of “divine order” the more you have to accept uncertainty. The rationale is to change the path, to make your own choices. Giving up the task of rolling the stone up the hill with all the consequences involved. Losing it all because you think it is the right thing to do.

    This is a hard choice indeed. And especially as the outcome is so vague. It will lead to a myriad of new options, results. A new world order. Or will it? If we decide to just leave the stone where it is, and do what we think is best, will it really destroy everything? What are the consequences and options if we don’t change path and carry on? Who is to blame and take responsibility? If there is no divine order in things, it is most probably us. Not focusing on the stone should give us enough free energy to do what we think is right. Fulfilling our rationale will hopefully reward us with a place in the world, where we can derive our self-esteem, purpose in life, from our own decisions. So there is a lot in it to leave the stone untouched and focus on the things, we think are the right things to do. But still it is a hard call, and we suffer. Either way. But one is our way to do things.

    Our eldest one is at Uni since September. It is like losing an arm and a leg. But what can you do else? I hope this helps.

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