How to tackle problems with my ex’s fiancee

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  • #14159 Report

    mumsiana76
    Participant

    Hi, I’m new to the forum and was looking for some advice on how to approach my ex about problems my kids have with his fiancée. They decided to move in with their dad and his fiancée last year as they wanted to be closer to school/college and their friends. Whilst this broke my heart at the time I knew it was what they wanted so went along with it. I have since had to move into a small one bedroom flat but still have them over for one night each during the week and every other weekend. My son is 13 and my daughter is 18.

    They have never had the greatest relationship with their dad’s fiancée but it has deteriorated greatly over the past few weeks. They have heard her saying they are t**ts and that she curses the day that she let them move in with them. She is an alcoholic and has had treatment for this but it seems to have failed again. I found out last night that my daughter and her friend were sexually assaulted at a concert she went to a few months ago (she said she didn’t want to upset me so didn’t tell me before). She discussed it with her dad who looked into it but because of the nature of the loud tightly packed crowd they were unable to identify who it had been. Well his fiancée said that it was her fault as what did she expect from that sort of gig (a heavy rock concert!!) This I find completely unforgivable as she is victim blaming 18 year old girls who did nothing wrong. There are many other instances of things she has said to them and the kids also mentioned that they overheard an argument the two of them had where my ex said that she had hit him before.

    The children are terrified of any repercussions from her and desperately don’t want to upset their dad. I have reassured them that I will not let her hurt them and that their dad needs to know how they feel and what they have heard. I just don’t know how to broach it so as not to come off as the interfering ex wife but also want the children to be heard first hand so he can’t fob me off saying that they have misunderstood.

    Sorry for such a long post but wondered if anyone had faced anything similarly or could give me some advice or tips on how to get this sorted. I desperately wish they could come back with me but more importantly I want them to be happy if they want to stay there.

    Thanks for reading x

    #14196 Report

    fipple
    Participant

    Thats so intense!….

     

    Alcoholic!..and the fact youre in a 1 bed flat obviously means you cant house them ideally!(should anything happen at your ex’)

     

    Right! youre totally correct in the assumption that anything suggested by you to your ex will be seen as interfering , stick to your points and get past the ad hominem!….the facts are the facts…and if youre spot on with them…then stand your ground !  you clearly want whats best for your kids…so carry on regardless!….if you totally feel you have to say something..then i honestly would go ahead…but obviously as tactful as poss(not assuming you wouldnt but you know what i mean 😉

    Ah#!  relationships and ex’s   never taught that at school did they! 😉

    Feel free to contact if you wish…as im finding gingerbread to be an amazing source of “hope”   ive had genuinely the worst 5days(since 1st Aug) ive ever had in my entire life !  50yrs old july 16th…told relationship of 18yrs was /is over!.on the 1st Aug…Explains why i didnt get even a cake for my birthday :0)….gallows humour!..lol  but alas very true!….poor me!  dont like cake too much anyways!….

    wish you well..and feel free to contact..even if its just to let it all out and need an ear to listen.

    #14203 Report

    Hsduk101
    Participant

    A thought, can the council not help with costs so you can look after your children. I think there shouldn’t be a stigma with asking the government to help in these circumstances

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