How to start again as a single parent
9 June 2018 at 11:17 am #11968
Without going into too much detail, I’ve been with partner since I was 17 for 11 years and we have 2 children. We have rented the same house since we both moved in together 7 years ago. Basically, Im just not happy anymore and have given myself lots of time to try but I’m just kidding myself. I want to be my own person. I’m not scared of being on my own as I’m very independent. He works hard and works a lot so I’m with my children 24/7. He’s home weekends and some weekdays/nights..
I want to leave with my children. I’m just absolutely petrified of where to start!? I pay half of everything currently. He brings in the most money but I do work full time and haven’t the foggiest if I will get help etc. Who do I go too to find housing? Will I get help as I work full time?
There are so many questions but if anyone has any idea of where I could start to look then that would be amazimg.
its taken a lot of courage for me to even write this down. I just want the best for my children and me.
Thank you so much9 June 2018 at 3:01 pm #11970
Hi. I am in the same situation, feeling pretty lonely and scared. But then I think I felt almost the same during my 10 years relationship so it won’t make a big difference. Just decided to split 2 weeks ago, one day after me going back to work full time. I reached out for help to my employers which were more willing to help than I imagined. Also, trying to open up to all my good friends, for emotional support. Freaking out about leaving costs by myself, ex doesn’t want to contribute with compensation. I am looking to move to a cheaper area with cheaper childcare and rent, and family will help for the first year. Wishing you best of luck and strength.11 June 2018 at 11:08 am #11996
Hi Rainbow89, I am in a very similar situation… I understand what it means to want to just live your life with your children. I have also been with my husband since I was 17. That makes it half my life, it’s scary when I think about it, but it also explain how difficult it can be to think about starting again. I don’t even know what life is without him. It’s a jump in the unknown. In terms of financial help, I have filled in this online form https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ to have an indication of what support I would be entitled to. I work p/t (trying to increase the number of hours), but I think benefits received would be enough to support me and my children. I hope this helps12 June 2018 at 2:18 pm #12007
Does your partner fully understand how you feel and how much it’s affecting you? What was his response when you told him you’re not happy, and the reasons for that unhappiness? Are you absolutely sure that you want to leave or are you just not happy with your current circumstances. Maybe different changes could be made that might bring you closer and make you stronger together. [These are things to consider ONLY if it is safe to stay.]
I feel you will probably be able to find the answers to a lot of your questions by building for yourself a clear picture of what happiness and fulfillment is for you and what it looks like on a day by day/ hour by hour basis. Take the time to know what you truly want (in 3 years, 1 year, 6 months from now) and how to make it happen and you will feel strong and empowered. Then you will be in a position to make good decisions and choices for yourself and your children.
Either way, be sure to meet new people, and strengthen your relationships with new and existing friends. We all need to be part of a good support network I hope this helps 🙂