How to resolve child access issues
2 June 2020 at 2:27 pm #40556
I’ve got real problems with my ex husband regarding access to our two children. We split up in February this year due to his controlling behaviour and various affairs. We have 2 boys aged 7 and 6, and during our marriage he was never involved in anything with them, never attended doctors or hospital apps or school meetings etc. Since we split up he wants access to them and I have no problem with this however he only wants access last minute for an hour or two. I understand that because he’s a self employed fisherman that his hours vary but he gets angry and aggressive at me if I don’t answer the phone whenever he chooses to ring and if I don’t let him have them precisely when he wants. I asked advice from the citizens advice and their advice was to set out set times for him to have them and be understanding if he wasn’t able to have them on these days. That’s what I did, I messaged him saying he could have them on a Wednesday 4-7 and a Sunday 12-7 and call them at 8 in the evenings to say goodnight. However he is raging about this, he is threatening me with court action because he wants more time with them. I offered him an extra day of his choice but he point blank refuses to be pinned down to any particular days. He thinks he has the right to call and have them with no notice at all. For the last 3 weeks he hasn’t had them on a Wednesday however he has had them on a Sunday but he has messaged me each time asking me to pick them up early because “they’ve had enough”.
he has been running me down to the children and questioning them over what I’ve been doing which is upsetting them but I’m totally fed up with the nasty texts he keeps sending, the threats that he’s going to tell the children what a bad mum I am and just the nastiness in general. He’s threatened to set fire to a workman’s van that was on my driveway, he often parks across my driveway to see what’s going on and just makes it clear to me that he’s going to make my life as difficult as possible. What do I do and who do I turn to?2 June 2020 at 3:10 pm #40557
His behaviour is unreasonable. My controlling ex was pretty much the same for 5 years i let him set the terms of the access but this year i decided enough was enough and i took him to court to get a child arrangement order, i did it all myself and i think it cost around £250. Now he is not allowed to my house because he was harassing me, he’s also not allowed to phone me unless it’s an emergency (i was getting 15-20 calls plus texts a day)and all other communication is by email. It’s been such a relief. I also for the first time in five years I get every other weekend with the kids before i used to get one saturday a fortnight. I would definitely recommend it, you do have to attempt mediation first unless there has ever been domestic abuse but it’s a pretty straight forward process and if he doesn’t stick with the court order you can report him.2 June 2020 at 9:32 pm #40576
I would definitely limit your communication to email only where possible. That way you have evidence of his harassment if it continues or gets worse. You’ve been more than reasonable with him and he needs to provide consistency to your kids. Set clear arrangements and boundaries, if he doesn’t like it he can go through mediation.