How to overcome the excruciating loneliness?

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  • #27648 Report


    I’m supposed to have gone out tonight for a few drinks with friends. I’ve been so excited about it all day and more happy than I’ve felt in years…but after spending an hour getting ready I fall into a massive pit of despair and can’t bring myself to go out! So I send my apologies and pray that people will still invite me out once in a while. I’m so afraid this will never change, that I will never have anyone wanting to spend time with me ever again.

    I have 2 teen kids who I share care 50/50 with a narcissistic ex. It’s been 4 and a half years since he left, then returned for a year or so, then kids told me of the affair. Divorce has taken over 2 years to finalise due to his behaviours. I’m now where I’ve dreamed of being for all those years..on the brink of moving to a new home of my own, away from his influence, fresh start I’ve waited 4 years for.  Why can’t the happiness stay longer? All I hear inside is what he used to call me which makes it hard to be able to socialise. I feel like I should have an award for being the most boring person on the planet! How much longer until I can feel normal and how can I find the confidence to make new friends with my fresh start?

    Sorry such a long post, any advice gratefully received x

    #27650 Report



    Not sure what to suggest really, but is there any chance you could still go out, I’m sure your friends do want to spend time with you and if you could still go it might make you feel a bit better…


    #27652 Report



    Thanks for replying, I just worry I’m not good enough etc and that no one will bother with me. Hopefully I’m wrong and things will get busier socially, I actually enjoy my own company most of the time but when it punches you in the gut out of nowhere I just can’t cope and can’t see a way out. Maybe I just need big girl pants and front it out? There’s not much advertised for single people to do where I am, or maybe I look in the wrong places?

    Thanks for replying, it’s nice to chat with a human!

    #27662 Report



    It seems to me that the damage your ex caused you have not been fully resolved, many people who have suffered an abusive relationship suffer from a lack of confidence and self esteem. It really doesn’t have to stay this way though and with the right help and support you will be able get past the things that you’ve mentioned.

    Perhaps it might be worth giving the organisation called Mind a ring? There number is 0300 123 3393

    Hope this helps


    #27664 Report


    Look on YouTube for Melanie Tonia Evans. She has loads of videos about healing from narcissistic abuse. She also has a healing program called NARP (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) that you may be interested in once you’ve seen some of her videos. It costs quite a lot but they do sponsor people who cannot afford to buy it, if you email them (address on her website) and let them know your circumstances, they will help. They helped me and I’ve only been doing it for about a week but it’s already making a difference. Heal your trauma from the abuse and life will unfold!

    #27666 Report


    Thank you so much for your replies, they mean a lot to me. I’ll give the recommendations a go and see where it takes me.

    Feeling stronger today than yesterday so two steps back and all that. Thank you from my heart for being there x

    #27670 Report


    It’s nice to hear you’re feeling a bit better. It does sound like with what you’ve been through has affected your self esteem, which is totally understandable and not your fault, tough to have to deal with though.

    I generally enjoy my own company too, and have the excuse of my 5 year old to look after, so don’t socialise hardly at all, and almost never in the evenings, but I know when I do see people it does make me feel better about myself, mostly, and I also often then realise most people are struggling in some way or another and that puts my issues in some perspective.

    Hope you’re having a nice weekend and doing something nice for yourself even if it’s small.

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