How to move on when you still feel stuck

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    HumanBean13
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    Hi there,

    I’m new here, and finally taken the plunge to reach out for some help/support/advice from others …

    To cut an extremely long story short. I was in a 5 year emotionally and financially abusive relationship which I thankfully ended shortly after becoming pregnant. At the time I did not really recognise what had been going on as abuse, I believed a lot of the manipulative things I was told, I did not stand up for myself, and I felt like I “had allowed” all these things to happen to myself and therefore was to blame. I tried to reach arrangements with my ex whilst still pregnant but he wanted none of it and the abuse ramped up, he repeatedly humiliated me publicly and burned every bridge with my family members , I eventually had to report him to the police for harassment. When I reported it they also said there was evidence of coercive control and gave him bail conditions not to contact me. Unfortunately after the investigation they said the evidence was not strong enough for a criminal prosecution. Family court proceedings started last year with him wanting visitation and to prevent us from relocating. We are still in the thick of this, currently with fortnightly supervised contact sessions between him and my 19 month LO but CAFCASS have suggested he can move to unsupervised visits in the community around next spring/summer.

    I have no support system, Its literally 6 people and half of them are family members who do not live locally, I have a couple of local family members but they are very disinterested and uninvolved in everything. Covid put a halt on mum groups, but I’ve also been left with a lot of high anxiety about meeting new people because of the harassment and a few incidents I was subjected to where people sent messages/photos of what I had shared with them to my ex, and where I was photographed (unaware) by strangers who then sent the pictures to my ex.

    Court is hard as I feel like they are just slowly giving the control back to my ex and after leaving him 2 years ago, I’m having to have him more and more in my life, having to think about his requests, having to prepare myself to come in contact with his friends and family again, after removing myself from the group as I did not want to be around unsavoury people/people who make me feel bad ect. With such a small group of people I trust left, I feel like I cannot even talk to them about what’s going on anymore, as I feel like I’m always complaining and it drags them down.

    How do you ever move on?!

    I feel I have no friends but am scared to try harder making them

    I have no job but obviously am a single parent so it needs to be the right one when I get one, and no childcare so provide all care for my LO (don’t get me wrong, I love it, its just hard to find the time to work on yourself when you devote all your time to being mum, and then the rest of the time to accommodating arrangements for dad)

    Im single and its near impossible to meet potential people when you feel guilty, anxious, and have to be home by 5 o’clock everyday for dinner/bath/bed… and even if I did have someone potential to meet with they would likely lose interest waiting for me to try to find a time and date during daytime hours, or worst still meet them with my LO in toe.

    I would need his agreement and written consent from my ex to move out of the area to somewhere I feel less anxious/have family members

    How do you ever feel like your moving on when it seems like your just stuck in the same position as 2 years ago. Now im out of the controlling relationship, but I am controlled in where I can go and my daily freedom is restricted …. does the feeling change?

     

     

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