How to move on when left pregnant

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  • #40799 Report


    I am 9 weeks pregnant,  baby daddy at first was happy, but then he decided to leave me to protect his daughter and himself from future pain if we split up.  Once I found  I am pregnant, I had huge break down,as I had many major changes in life – I had to move thousands miles away from family, change job, as I work as live in carer. He couldn’t accept I was anxious or sad. I felt misunderstood most of the time and confused. In the end his family and his ex wasn’t really happy about news and he decided to leave for good. Then he tried to fix it many times with asking me to prove that I will stay forever with him etc. And always blamed me, that I didn’t want to make his daughter happy and had intention to break her heart, although I met his daughter  on a second date, I loved her from bottom of my heart, we had very good connection and I never had bad intentions for her… Now he blames me, he calls me in bad names – crazy, *****, mentally twisted, which hurts a lot. Plus he changed his mind that he wants this baby in his life, so he will go through courts to prove I am not mentally stable and capable to give this child a good life. We have been separated for less than 3 weeks and I had a bad intuition, that he is already in search for other woman, and found out he is already on tinder while I am in grief and trying to sort out my and  child’s future safety.

    It might be said too much, but I am desperate to move on and forget about him, but there are always some old good memories which give me hope. I know it’s wrong to hope. And I am so scared to be a single mum in foreign country without family support as I am not originally from UK.

    What coping mechanisms you did use to move on and how to get the strength to fight for my and babies life?

    #40800 Report


    Well firstly he has no evidence whatsoever to say you are mentally unstable so your child will not be taken off you. You also can apply for benefits so you have an income to provide for you and your baby.

    Secondly I’d forget him even though you have good memories because it seems his only intention is to try and take this baby and doesn’t care about you. For him to think you will break his heart it seems to me he is unstable.

    For coping mechanisms to move on I’d stop all contact now with him because he seems to be the sort that will send messages hoping for a response which will make you look bad. This is your pregnancy and there is no law stating you have to stay in contact with him. You just need to forget about him and think about you and your baby.Think about how you can save money and think about the future. There are things you wanted to do but in a few years there is no reason you cant continue with them when your baby is older.

    Don’t be worrying and maybe seek legal advice for any further guidance

    #40806 Report


    Thank you for reply, I guess it’s just memories which are holding me back. I understand that I don’t want him as an active baby father or the man I trust my life.

    #41124 Report


    It is so hard to get over somebody, I hope ur ok!! I’m still finding it hard to get over my ex!! I have 3 boys with him!! I think what makes it even harder is the fact he’s my kids dad also!! Why does he think you will split up?! Did he need reassurance?? He can’t do anything to prove that!! I suffer from depression but they can’t just take my kids off me!!! I’d ignore!! I think it’s terrible that he’s treating you this way! Especially a pregnant lady!! Where’s the love and support?! I also live in hope with there dad thinking hopefully one day he will grow up!! I suppose we all hope it’s totally normal xx

    #41131 Report


    Hi Both, Just wanted to apologise on behalf of our species. I am far from perfect but some of the things I am hearing on this forum are so horrible and my heart goes out to you. Sounds like he has anxiety issues of his own and is venting his insecurities at you which is not right! I know it must be hard if you still have feelings for your ex but you can’t live forever in hope that he will change his ways because in the mean time he is (from what you say) being emotionally abusive and you have to stand up to that straight away or it will eat away at you to the point you start to think its your own fault some how, put a stop to it now! Better to feel sorrow now for past memories than never be able to make happy memories again. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and enjoy your journey with your baby bump. There are plenty of nice people on hear willing to listen (including myself) if you need a sympathetic ear. Be strong and things will get better x

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