How to let my boyfriend of 6yrs into the family.

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  • #20092 Report

    Ren
    Participant

    hi everyone, I’ve been a single mum for 15 years but had the same boyfriend for 6.5 years. My son is almost 17 and his behaviour hasn’t been too good recently (Smoking/lying etc) I know his bad behaviour and the fact that all my efforts to sort him out have failed its scaring the fella off as he’s worried it’ll get worse.

    We’d just got to a point of thinking about living together looking to the future, having children together etc and now things are a bit wobbly… I think the wobble is because I’ve not let him help me to parent very much & he feels like he can’t get involved. I just don’t know where to start…

    So! My question is how do I relax and let him in, to LET him help my son who really needs a decent male to look up to in his life? Do we talk and decide what’s ok/what’s not like shouting etc. I’m stuck because I’ve always had a strong bond with my boy because it’s always been just us but I’ve always hated having to parent on my own & would welcome the help but what do I do if I’m not happy with what he says/does?

    I’ve always wanted to be a proper family, this guys been great. He doesn’t have any children of his own so it’s all new to him but also I’ve never had a teen before lol. I really feel the time is right to let him in & I’m also worried about resistance from my son.

    I could go on all day.

     

    if there anyone who could help I’d really appreciate it x

    #20101 Report

    Lj234
    Participant

    ok, so i’m speaking  from my experience here, I let my partner help me raise my eldest boy and it turned out to be a mistake .  When my partner wasn’t around he would play up even more and some of the things that my partner did to discipline my son like making him sit for too long on the naughty chair caused arguments ,because he wanted to discipline my son a certain way and I wasn’t happy with it . The discipline issue was one of the main arguments I had with him .The problem lies with you, just like the discipline problem lay with me , your partner can advise you on what to do and how to do it but I don’t think he should get involved because it can cause problems between you and your son or you and him or both.

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