How to handle a life of mostly responsibility with out being jealous or bitter?

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  • #48601 Report

    bella1
    Participant

    Hi- apologies if this is a thread already I’ve only just joined seeking help.

    Does anyone have any tips on how to live a single parent life of mass responsibility, that doesn’t provide much time for fun  because it then adds  more pressure to time and finances, without feeling resent, jealous or bitter about others who have time and space to go and have fun?

    -taken on the mortgage, working about full time, being self employed, no family support, some input on stays and time with dad, but no long term financial or emotional strategy from him regarding children, 9 school runs a week, managing kids diaries, etc etc ..

    I get asked to do stuff with friend’s but I just haven’t got the window to do it amongst fitting everything in…..if i do, I create more pressure, if i don’t I get jealous of them… I then don’t want to be around them or have conversations with them about it as I tired of trying to justify how hard it can be, when they are not in the same situation.

    As I’m writing…I’m feeling the answer is going to be- ‘you have to choose to have fun’, ‘make time to have fun’…. but it’s easy to be a martyr, when you are tired and on a responsibility wheel. Am I a martyr?  I choose to leave the hubby 3 year ago because of narcissistic traits for the best for me and our two children and I HAVE NO REGRETS. I am happy, just slipping a little..COVID doesnt help obviously. Any thoughts really.  welcome

     

    #48602 Report

    warwickshire1
    Participant

    Does dad not have children regular so you can then see your friends and have some me time ?

    #48608 Report

    sverige1980
    Participant

    Hi,

    The father of my children is a narcissist too so pinning him down to times and dates is pointless as he’ll often change them and is normally very uncooperative. At the moment we have almost no contact with him so I know how you feel. I have 2 kids and can count on one hand how many times I’ve been out since they were born – almost 5 years. I also find making plans and arrangements too stressful. I have used a baby sitter before and that was ok actually. How old are your children?

    I have moments of despair but overall, I think he’s the one really missing out. Also despite him having all the free time he likes, I know he’s incredibly miserable. I had a lot of fun before having kids and now this is a new kind of fun. Nights out can be sorted by using a baby sitter, as and when you really feel like it. The rest of the time, I would work on being at peace with your situation (which you are clearly doing by posting here). I pray for strength and always try to say 3 reasons to be grateful for before sleeping. I also have a network of single mum friends who I vent to!

     

     

    #48614 Report

    Wisdom James
    Participant

    I know how you feel, but I got to tell you, sometimes you have to give yourself a break. Life is too short to kill yourself with thinking of any sort, just do the best you can and leave the rest to God Almighty.  Take a break and enjoy yourself sometimes, change is constant .

    We can keep in touch if you like

    #48617 Report

    bella1
    Participant

    Thank you everyone-iIve just found your replies as I wasnt notified, so I need to check the set up Ive done!

    @warickshire1- dad does have kids- I am lucky- I make him!- But I tend to need that time work as Im a home owner- he rents- so Im self managing. all my finances- he contributes some pocket money worth ( but it helps!).  I have school hours to work so trying to fit more hours in when he has them as he get a full week at work to work. So its not necessarily i havent got the time- its just used for work mainly… and the garden, house maintenance etc- but I should maybe be grateful I have all this to do!

    sverige1890- I think they are missing out- absolutely and again I need to remind myself this and be grateful- I have a journal- many infact- spend most my time writing, trying to self help, work it all out…. probably too much time!!!! Gratitude is massive- i must not loose this….you do when you are swamped.  Im not looking for nights out etc, just some simple time and fun that isnt responsibilities- may be time to walk, talk to people without thinking i should be working..

    Wisdom James- I think you are  right- I need to just do it and stop making excuses-  make things wait, be less sensible and less boring,

    After writing the post- which felt sad but amazing as I was asking for fresh answer to people I didnt know- it made me realise that I have to make it more priority- to have fun and replace some of my ‘responsible’ time with fun time for me. Work needs  to wait and if i lose some, then i would have to find some more.I met my friend for a run which i nearly cancelled in the week- but I made myself do it. When we finished there was surf on our beach like you never see! so we grabbed our boards and surfed the sundown- wow…. it felt amazing. Work can wait till tomorrow. I must protect some down time- everyone else in the world seems to manage so i need to be responsible for making it happen for me- not blaming /resenting everyone for having theirs. I guess the ball in my court. thanks for all your help…its really helped me see some things x

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