How to get rid of the guilt feeling

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  • #15462 Report

    ALF86
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m very new to this. I separated from my partner of 5 years on Monday. My daughter is 20 months old. I had post natal depression and anxiety and struggled a lot. I saw a counsellor and we tried to do couple counselling but he did one session got angry and refused to do anymore. After that he said my depression was making him depressed. I managed by myself and a lot of hard work to get through it. I’m not completely there I still have some anxieties that I’m battling each time they pop up. Throughout this last year we have had some wobbles and tried to talk it through. He wanted a separation in April as he had fell out of love with me and I said I would try harder and help. Since then I feel like I’ve tried so much. I work full time and do the bulk of childcare drop off pick ups everything as he works away a lot. He’s a jobbing actor so goes where he work may be. I’ve worked round this which is tough and have only ever asked him for more time with us. I went away at the weekend on my own to wales with my daughter and it was lovely but I still felt very alone. He had said if he gets his work done he’d visit. He didn’t and I rang explaining this made me feel sad. He didn’t understand. I came back on Monday to be told out the blue that he’sd made plans to leave couldn’t cope he’d been pretending to find with me for months as he felt he couldn’t say anything. He said it was down to my post natal depression and the experiences we had through this that had hanged things and although he loves our daughter he doesn’t me and said I didn’t do enough to get the spark back for him. I honestly thought I was trying in between working full time and looking after our daughter. I feel immense guilt that it was me who didn’t try enough that I’ve let me daughter down that she hasn’t got a family unit because I couldn’t make her Dad fall in love with me again. I’m struggling a lot to process this and think what I can tell her. Any tips on getting better at accepting these feelings would be wonderful.

    x

    #15469 Report

    RomanyAce
    Participant

    Hello 👋🏻

    really sorry your feeling this way. I feel similar emotions to you plus I’m pregnant.

    I’ve been trying to do some gratitude meditation and to be thankful for what I have not what I don’t.

    Its so hard I know. And you feel like your barely clinging on. But it sounds as tho your a great mother. Remember that x

    #15529 Report

    ALF86
    Participant

    Thank you. The gratitude meditation sounds like a good idea. I may need to try that. I think I’ve also just found out that he’s seeing someone else that I’ve put up in my house and hosted as I thought she was a friend or colleague of his. How stupid of me. 😪😪😪

    #15543 Report

    ekeaku
    Participant

    Please do not blame yourself. No kne has the power to ‘make’ somekne fall in love with them. Your ex partner is wrong to try to put this on you. Try and focus on you and your daughter and take it one day at a time.

    Wishing you all the best.

    #15562 Report

    Debbie356
    Participant

    Hi, I know it’s hard not to blame yourself when a relationship fails but it’s not your fault. It sounds like you did everything you could to stay together. But it takes 2 to make a relationship work. Give yourself a break and as said in the previous comment concentrate on you and your daughter.

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