How to explain absent father

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  christinaw28 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #24295 Report

    Blaa
    Participant

    hi everyone I just joined gingerbread because I need some advice about how to explain to my daughter why she doesn’t have a dad.

    She is 5 years old and I have always told her she doesn’t have a dad.

    I was groomed and raped and my daughter was from this situation, her biological father is aware of her but didn’t want anything to do with her ,( and I’m glad he isn’t in our life as he isn’t a good man) so he’s never met her and never will, so I’ve been a single mum from the start.

    I feel so guilty for lying that she doesn’t have a dad, it seemed the easiest least hurtful thing to do when she was very small but soon she will learn that everyone has a biological father and I don’t know what to tell her, she has asked why she doesn’t have a dad many times and I’ve always told her all families are different. It’s never felt the right time to tell her she does actually have one as I don’t know how to explain it in a way that doesn’t hurt her but need to do it soon before she learns about where babies come from at school and comes home confused with lots of questions, if you have any advice I’d be so grateful, thanks for reading sorry it’s a bit long

    #24299 Report

    Louise121
    Participant

    I’m really sorry for your experiences. I just wanted to respond as I understand the worry. I am in a similar situation in that my baby’s dad vanished when I was pregnant. Perhaps he’ll turn up, perhaps he won’t.

    I plan on telling him the truth at an age appropriate time. I try to spent time with a variety of families and read books showing diversity. I will also tell him that our family is special because Im so talented that I can do two jobs at once!

    My sons dad was adopted which I think had an impact on him so I will tell him that it’s not that daddy doesn’t love you it’s that he doesn’t know how.

    I hope I’m done way that helps.

    #24300 Report

    Blaa
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your reply it means a lot, I’m also really sorry for your experience. But love when you say your so talented you can do two jobs at once! I think what I’m most worried about is the feeling of rejection and thoughts she might have that her dad didn’t want her or love her and how this could affect her whole life emotionally but explaining that he didn’t know how might be a good way to explain it in my situation too, thanks again so much for your response it’s helped a lot.

    #24304 Report

    Sylvia38
    Participant

    Hi

    I had my Son when I was 17 to an absolute loser who played no part in his life.

    It broke my heart when I heard him say he didn’t have a Dad.

    Fast Forward to the present Day and he’s turned out amazing he has a good job he’s married and he is absolutely no worse off for not having had a Dad.

    Don’t best yourself up about it just go with it.

    You’ll work out what to say when you have too.Everything will work out x

    #24305 Report

    Blaa
    Participant

    That’s really great to hear your son turned out so well, and credit to you being a great mum too, and you’re right maybe I don’t need to over think or plan what to say too much and just go with what’s natural, thank you for your reply x

    #24312 Report

    christinaw28
    Participant

    The dad of my two boys was abusive and violent and I had to leave when my youngest was 5 months old to keep me and my children safe.  Fast forward 15 months and my ex has seen his kids for 6 hours since I left and makes no effort for his kids apart from sending things via amazon. Even though his dad behaves like this my oldest is really happy and said he never wants to see his dad again and is really happy with his new life, becoming a single mum was best thing ever I did as it made a better life for my kids. when my kids are older I will talk to them properly about how their dad treated me and how it made me feel.

     

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