How to cope with being a single mum of 2 girls and loneliness

[Mumof2xx]

Hi, I don’t even know where to start….. eeek here goes…..

I am 29 years old and a very proud mum to two beautiful girls aged 5 and 16 months, they have different biological fathers both of which are not involved…. I don’t want to go too much into my situation but im just really struggling to cope as a single mum dealing with everything by myself physically emotionally financially mentally. I have great support from my family im very lucky but at the end of the day its just me…. i have literally just come out of a short relationship which has obviously hightened my loneliness which led me to here… i just want to know how people cope with being a single parent and wondered if anyone was in a similar situation to me?? Lately i have felt so bad that i feel like i just don’t want to be a mum and then i feel guilty for even thinking that so im just in this mad circle and not finding any solutions…. any advice would be much appreciated thankyou!

[Kathymumofone]

Hi, so sorry you are feeling down.

is it the evenings and needing to be home every night that is the problem? Or the lack of adult conversation? The lack of a male partner? Or just the weight of making every decision on your own?

I’ve been separated for 7 years and had no relationship for the last three. Summer evenings are ok, I have good neighbours, winter evenings can be tough. I make sure the house always feels good-warm, light, music, home cooking – mostly for my child but it helps me too. Then books, homework, yoga. If I have a free morning –  dentist or haircut, I always add in a coffee with a friend. I see friends for lunch at work. Sort of half hour social life whenever I get the chance. My social life has changed shape but it’s still there.

Can you try some new things? A new class or sport. If you can feel good inside, then that seems to reflect on your outside life.

[Mumof2xx]

Hi! Thankyou for your reply 🙂

its not necessarily just the evenings i try and keep myself busy all the time but i still find myself just not being able to shake this fear of being alone I’ve always felt like i need a man to complete me but i just want to be able to be successful on my own and then look for a relationship. I am currently training with the couch to 5k which i do 3 times a week and i do lots of things with my youngest daughter at home, im learning to drive and have my theory test booked for end of the month! Ive got a handful of friends that are very good to me aways there to listen if i need to talk etc so im aware I’ve got a very good decent life with very good people in it but i still feel quite alone and sad….. i spend alot of time analysing other peoples lives and what they’ve got and being jealous rather than focussing on my own i guess im looking for advice on how to just be happy in myself and my life…..

[Gingey28]

Hi Mumof2

How i look at it is there is going to be people who look at you and think wow how amazing is she. I wish i could do what she does, I wish I was that independent. Im on my own with my son who’s 1. Yes i feel lonely and it would be nice to go on a date or have someone but then again I am a strong independent person who has done everything i thought would be too difficult.

Its easy to think other people have it all but like you really don’t know. People are in controlling relationships, they have no freedom, they have to explain where they are going and who with. Perhaps their social circle is their partner and not allowed to see friends.

People may have a lot, money, everything flash but may feel empty if they have no kids

You are learning to drive thats fab. Car is great for freedom i always go on a drive. Only local but ideal to keep us occcupied sometimes as hard to stay in my son gets fed up and me too

Never be jealous, everyone isnt supposed to live the same life. I know that i have to be happy on my own before i meet someone as if i get with someone when i feel lonely it is for wrong reasons.

You look after you, a home and 2 girls what isnt amazing about that. Good luck for your theory test

[Kathymumofone]

I used to worry about that. And then I had two friends in the same year tell me how envious they are, that my home is mine, that I don’t have to put up with abusive or financially reckless partners. How they fear for the future & can’t see a way out.  Solo is right, It was a real eye opener.

Now I focus on my son. On creating a secure life that no-one can disrupt by walking away.  I take confidence from that.  Once you have that self assurance, you won’t have a problem finding someone new if that’s what you want, and you’ll be more choosy.

Take pride in every day you manage on your own and I’m sure it will resolve itself. You are coping brilliantly x

[Mumof2xx]

Hi Gingey28, thankyou for your message just want to say well done to you first of all for coping as a single dad I don’t know any single dads so thats new for me to know that so massive hats off to you!

Thankyou for your kind words i will take them on board and thankyou for the good luck wishes i need them! Lol x

[Mumof2xx]

Hey kathymumofone,

i totally understand that and i honestly love that i get to have my home how i want it and all of that but equally i would love to share it with someone and have that secure family unit, i think because I’ve had my children by 2 different men its failed twice i just feel really negative about my future now and what it has to hold and that it would be alot for another man to take on that’s probably why i pick the wrong guys. I really want to be happy in myself and with my girls first before i even have another man involved now. Thankyou! Xx

[Gingey28]

Hi Mumof2

I am a single Mum not Dad lol

[Mumof2xx]

Gingey28

omg i am so sorry!!! I couldn’t see your profile picture properly I can’t apologise enough!!!

[Gingey28]

Hahah its ok no problem x 😂

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