How to control 15 years old

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  • #49348 Report

    Bala
    Participant

    My situation is big but question is small. 3 years ago i moved to Uk. 2 years ago i take my 3 kids here. Oldest son who’s now 15 in that while was with my mom. In that while we had videocalls and all of them knew soon as possible they will c9me here to me. But oldest son in that while became addicted to computer and phone. He don’t do anything else just laptop. He eats and go tolet and everywhere takes it. Dont do anything. Comea from school and even dont take shoes off but taking laptop. If try to take away breaking everything at home, if internet gone he breaks rooter. He ignore everyone at home and hits his smaller brother 11 and sister 13. Hes not going classroom just because he sleep because all nights was laptop. Im desperate. I start hate him. What i can do to solve this problem otherwise im thinking to send him away to my mom back to my country. All the time I was trying to stop myself because here he can have better education and he have better future but im ready to give up. He not only sits in laptop he also disturbing other kids while they are in classrooms and he breaks everything at home… Im alone allredy with 4 kids, 3 months ago i gave birth to my youngest son. And its hard to make nice home for them and he only destroy what we allredy have. Please if someone posibele give advice what i can do to solve this problem

    #49384 Report

    Hi Bala

    I’m Michelle one of the Moderators here in the forum.  This sounds like a very difficult situation that you’re dealing with.  I’ve left you a message in your inbox with some links that may be helpful.

    Kind regards

    Michelle

    #49399 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Hey Bala.

    I think a lot of people read your post and feel really bad for you,but maybe just don’t know what to reply.

    Sorry to say but many 15 year olds are horrible.I really feel for you.Mine went through a horrible couple of years and every day was a nightmare for all of us.It’s really difficult and you say you have a small baby so I really cannot start to Imagine how you are coping.I hope you have some friends here at least?! England can be a really miserable gray place sometimes & if you’re alone it must feel even worse.I don’t know what to say about your son as you know all the details that no one else does,but it might be a relief to send him to your mum- just for a bit even-while you concentrate on your baby…these are abnormal times and people with Much easier lives than you are even stressing.I hope things get a little better  somehow soon.x

    #49402 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Gummibear is right, I read the post too and could relate in some ways but felt I wasn’t able to provide a solution.
    My eldest boy is now almost 17 and I have another teen too (14yo girl). They need guidance. I’m not justifying your teens behaviour or being critical of you. Kids need rules and routine that are consistent and lockdown has hindered that.
    He’s now stuck in the house, a bag of testosterone, growing into a man and enclosed within the 4 walls of his room, no doubt playing on fast paced computer games 24/7 which fuel his tension/aggression, pretty much turned nocturnal. I see this in my own son. He still needs your love and your attention. I don’t want to come to blows physically with my son as he’s much bigger than I am, I don’t want my home breaking into pieces either as neither of those ways are helpful for anyone. But at times I’ve felt very disconnected from him. We had a calm chat rightly timed about him getting bigger now and becoming an adult, and about the responsibility that this brings. He now has personal responsibility for the way he behaves, but he’ll make lots of bad decisions because he’s still learning, which he’ll hopefully learn from. It’s a transition. The fact is you can not control a 15 year old. You need to work with him to think about who he wants to be in the future and help him to get there, that relates to the character he wants to be and the line of work. Divert his attention, help him to focus on other things than what he does currently, which is likely very little other than Xbox/PS. Have a look at college courses with him, see if he’s open to gaining some work experience to work towards his goals. For me personally, my teens sleep (or lack of) was an issue, the routine was gone and sleep just happened whenever. He missed family meal times so diet was poor. Spent little time with the family. My aim as parent was to get some level of routine back into our home for the good of everyone. Give him opportunities to speak with you about his day. Give him a hug and let him know you’re not the enemy. If you’re not there, he’ll make his own way, which currently he isn’t managing. His behaviour is a result of the way he feels, which isn’t a happy content place. He doesn’t break your property because it makes him feel good, it’s an outlet.

    I choose my ‘penalty’ carefully when it comes to consequence for actions, and remind him that the internet, his phone contract, my respect are not a rites, but privileges that are earned through looking after each other, were a team at the end of the day. Maybe if he’s broken something, then give him the responsibility for fixing it (don’t expect it to be perfect but it will provide opportunity to reflect and recognise the consequence of his actions, which in turn is a learning opportunity for him
    I hope this helps a little, I acknowledge I don’t know your son, or you. I can only share my experience.

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