How to answer 'why don't I have a daddy?'

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  SarahJT 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #28996 Report

    Gracie 2014
    Participant

    Hi

    Just looking for some advice please. My son is 5 and in his mind has never had a dad, because he has never been aware of him being around. He basically hasn’t been in the picture since he was a few months old. When my son has asked why don’t I have a daddy and I want a daddy and that kind of thing ( since the age of 3) I have tried to keep it light and said things like you know ( from books we have on different types of families ) every family is different, some are big sone are small, not everybody has the same people/ parents in their family ect. You’ve got me and our other family members and we love you very much ect, I  know it’s hard to understand but you will more when you are older. I say  he’sdoing the right thing asking and should always talk to me about it if he wants to.

    My question is at what point do I say and how do I say you do have one somewhere he just isn’t in your life? Personally I think he’s too young at 5 still but really would appreciate advice!

     

    Thanks in advance!

    #29012 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I had that with my son. At school, the children talk about their families and their daddies, and your son will feel left out not having anything to say.

    I think You need to be honest in an age appropriate way. So give your son some basic facts that he can tell his little friends, daddy is called Fred, he is an electrician, likes bowling, lives in France etc. That will be enough for your son to feel included in that stuff at school.

    Then he will probably ask why daddy doesn’t come & see him. I was honest with my son that daddy lives a long way away and wasn’t very good at being a daddy, so we were a family of two but have grandad instead.

    More questions come up over time but if you start now, gradually, your son will probably accept it as normal & it won’t turn into a big unspoken secret.

    #29217 Report

    SarahJT
    Participant

    Hi

    I have this same question and my daughter is only 3. I find books have been helpful like The Great big book of happy families which is about families in all different situations, Runaway bunny which is about just a boy rabbit and his Mum and the Soul bird which encourages even little ones to start talking about feelings. I haven’t really found a way of explaining things but she just seems to accept it when I say she hasn’t got a Dad for now. Her friends do ask questions though and I’ve avoided them so far just changing the subject. I don’t want to answer questions she hasn’t asked yet. Good luck.

    Sarah x

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