How long did it take…

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Liane 2 months ago.

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  • #24255 Report

    Lorla77
    Participant

    Hi everyone I am new to the forum, have been separated for just over at year so I think I’m through the worst of the rollercoaster that I’m sure u can all relate to! Just wondering how long it took for you to deal with the sadness of the situation as that is the feeling I am left with. Hits me everytime he collects the kids and even though I know we are not right anymore it still feels very sad. Don’t really feel I can escape it either which I find hard as he is always in my life. It feels like grieving a future that doesnt exist now, if that makes sense! Any words of wisdom appreciated from those who are further down the line, thanks xx

    #24316 Report

    Iand
    Participant

    I think the time it takes to adjust varies, but it does come.

    #24341 Report

    BerkshireMumma
    Participant

    Hi there 🙂 I’m a new user to the forum too and I relate heavily with your post so if its ok im commenting and following with interest as I also find myself in this mindset and emotional state.

    #24346 Report

    Lou1979
    Participant

    Hi All

    I am almost 2 years in and sometimes I still feel sad for my son, that this has happened but then I try to think of the positive’s and that look on the little persons face when he next sees me and it makes me realise that when I ended my marriage, it wasn’t my fault and I have done the right thing for both my son and I.

    it does take time and to be a single parent isn’t what I had plan for my life but now I wouldn’t change it as the bond between my son and I is amazing, he gives me kisses and cuddles and I know its all worth that pain.

    big hugs to you all. we are superstars and warriors xx

     

     

    #24364 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    You are right it is kind of like mourning a death. You have in mind this picture of how its all gonna be and then picture gets smashed.

    Although my relationship ended 12 years ago it took a long time for me to stop missing him, even though our relationship wasnt great anyway. A tiny part of me still mourns for the mam he could have been rather than the man that he actually is 😀

    #24396 Report

    welshdad
    Participant

    It takes as long as it needs to.  Don’t rush it or think it will be the same as anyone else.  Take your time and allow yourself time to grieve before deciding one day to go and make whatever you want of life.  It’s your time now.  The best way to deal with the loss of something that was once good is to create something good in the present…and that’s not finding another relationship or replacing with anything….but to give all to what you have and what you build right now…your new life with your child/ten.  The person you want to become…free of anyone telling you anything to hold you back.  Go carve that life you want and live it.  Surround yourself with friends and family…keep busy…and you’ll do great 🙂 .

    #24943 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    I was placed in a womens refuge by a solicitor and Cafcass Gaurdian via case of urgency.

    I clung to everytime i saw him and was petrified of all i had to face.

    Luckily the biggest positive from our relationship was my attendance at church. So when i wasnt facing the daily toils i went to mass.

    From there i signed up with the O.U and am nearly able to celebrate ten years of independence from “that” relationship.

    Keep going. It may feel like one thing after the other but eventually you will be able to justify how strong you are by making the break and sticking with it.

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