How do you tell the children?

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  • #42813 Report

    cara.flannex
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m new here. I am in the family house. My husband is with his parents (temporary), So he takes the children out or there. The children love seeing their grandparent’s also. They know we haven’t been getting on and we have emphasised that we are still a family. How do i say this is a permanent arrangement? Any advise please? How did you tell them. My children are 9 & 11. My eldest is super sensitive.

    We haven’t sorted out any arrangements for sharing the children so advice on that would be great too. This scares me and upsets me, i feel emotionally sick. I hurt for them (oh dear flood gates opened) better sign off.

    Any help/advice would be great, thanks.

    #42816 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    How long have you been separated? Have the children been able to see that things are better and there are fewer arguments now you are living separately?

    Is your ex positive and cheerful about the situation as well?  Kids aren’t daft, they know when things aren’t working so do you think they will be upset? Maybe not. I’d have been delighted if my parents had split and the atmosphere had improved.

     

    #42822 Report

    cara.flannex
    Participant

    Thank you Kathymumofone.

    We have been separated seven weeks. I tried before but he was so depressed at his parents and we get on as friends i took him back home (as a friend). The children have felt the difference as he is very angry and controlling (especially with money) but then he has been much better since going back on medication.

    My 9 year old isn’t bothered that much and has said passing comments to people as they have spoke them back to me. But my 11 year will hug him bye then wants me to join in or vice versa, like he is still grasping onto us as a working family unit. We have always been an over affectionate, silly and fun family. But the silly and fun stuff slowly stopped years ago.

    He isn’t positive when around me when collecting kids but isn’t bad tempered either. I guess upset which is understandable. My 11 year had a great time with him yesterday (9 year old stayed with me).  There are so many things in limbo, i would hope they have some stability in their lives. I think we need to verbalise something, i’m not sure. I do think they must feel an improvement. They don’t ask to see him. My 9 year old sends him photo’s and messages when she feels like sharing something.

    I need to get things in some order for me too.

     

     

     

     

     

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