How do you move on?

[MissStar1]

My husband and has been having an affair and left me. He says despite the fact we are still married that his private life is his business and not mine. Despite only finding out 3 weeks ago. He says I should move on. How do you cope? Everyday seems like a nightmare 😢😢

[stu77]

As you told me..at the mo you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Rely on friends and family, talk to people…people that have gone through it and come out the other side.

I know its easy for someone else not in your position to say everything will be fine etc but the facts are whatever happens you will move on, take comfort that every day you wake up and do the stuff you need to do is another day you have got through.

You can do this x

[MissStar1]

Thank you Stu 77. Lol I am trying to do all those things I suggested to you. Putting one foot in front of the other. The pain is just unbelievable. I wish there was a button I could press that made me not love him anymore or not care but I don’t seem to have that button. I don’t want this to ruin my the rest of my life. I have just been with him for over 10 years and he is making me feel like that was nothing to him 😢

[stu77]

I know it must be really tough. Its the feeling of being powerless that gets to me. That was until my councellor told me there is hope and i have the ability to change things. I have a new positive mindset and decided to be in control of my own actions and feelings. No one knows what the future will bring but you need to wrestle some control back for yourself and children.  X

[Warrior127]

Hi

My partner left me 3 weeks ago with 2 children. He didn’t have the courage to tell me he was cheating I had to work it out myself. He hasn’t given me or the boys any explanation and he has blocked all contact from me and is trying to communicate via a solicitor.  His boys can contact him but don’t much as he isn’t really contacting the. I am devastated for my children as he was a good Father but also the frustration and betrayal is so painful. We were together for nearly 20 years. I just allow myself to feel whatever I want to when I want to. It is fine to feel how you are. Give yourself the permission to do so. The rejection is hard and the anger at another woman who has almost broken the woman’s code in that you don’t break a relationship up. The only way I cope is to put it in a box. I allow time to grieve on a daily basis and indulge in some self care. Make yourself look good, treat yourself and keep your chin up. When you feel physically better it helps a bit with the mental trauma. I think that some men may struggle to face the consequences of their actions and don’t understand that women need some details to move on. However, this is the 2nd time my ex has cheated and getting the details doesn’t actually help. There is no man or woman that we can’t get over.

[Warrior127]

Your not alone that’s all I can say. You just want that validation that they at least care about you. (And children in my case)

[H]

My ex left 19 months ago for the same reason was having an affair I divorced him for adultery literally as quick as I could he left Feb and we were divorced by December same year I couldn’t stay married to someone that chose a new life and gf over his wife and kids after we were divorced it gave me a different prospective on things and now the only involvement I have with him is if it to do with the kids people may say I’m wrong for this but we didn’t stay friends for the sake of the kids and it’s the best way for me to cope having nothing to do with him he had 2 affairs why would I want to. But now I’m happy still single but ready when the time comes and the boys are happy and still spend time with there dad too.

Not sure what the near future brings as just found out through the boys he and same gf having a baby but just hope that doesn’t change the relationship for my children with him will have to wait and see

[MissStar1]

Thank you Warrior 127. I don’t like the thought of any body being in the same boat it’s so awful. But I guess it’s nice in some respects to know I am not the only one out there. If that makes sense. I feel so helpless, inadequate and plain unlovable. I know people who cheat try and make you feel like that to condone their own actions. Struggling to shake the sadness. I think I feel empowered for all of ten minutes each day! 😩

[MissStar1]

Warrior 127 mine didn’t tell me he was cheating either saw a spa bill on our bank statement then lots of expensive lunches 😢

[MissStar1]

H I am like you will start civil for kids but want as little to do with as possible. He has become very nasty and I don’t recognise him anymore. Must be crushing about baby. Glad you seem to be reach a happier place. Hope I can get there too. 😊

[MissStar1]

That’s great Stu77 hope you and your wife can reconcile 😊

[H]

Only hurtful because 19 months ago that wasn’t the life he wanted family and a wife it was boring and he couldn’t do it anymore. Now he’s doing it all again just not married her yet.

But I know I’m still happier out of it his first affair was when our youngest was 4 months old so eventhough he’s having another child if he wants that won’t stop him going elsewhere and I don’t have to deal with that anymore.

You will be happy again I promise you just takes time

[Warrior127]

10 minutes a day is good. Soon it will be 20 mins. Each day I get up and make sure I put my make up on. I do a few jobs in the house (even though I don’t want to). I then have a sleep to rest my mind. It’s a grieving process. When you have been betrayed it knocks you sideways. The shock also takes time. I may sound like I am together and in control but I am not. My Dad gave me some good advice which was to put your armour on when you need to and then take it off when you need to. I guess if you leave it off all the time you aren’t empowering yourself. Fake it because it works and you may not feel better immediately but you won’t feel any worse. Message me anytime. I know what you mean about having someone else with the same problem. It is comforting.

[Iwanttobeme]

Im almost 7mnths down the line and my husband of 16yr left me a few weeks later he was with the girl i belived he was towards the end. And therefore have no doubts he cheated

Its not been an easy 7mths but i does get better and theres definitely alot more good days then bad.

Along the way ive learnt it wasnt my fault, things wasnt right for a longtime and most of all, ive learnt I’ll never let anyone take me for granted over again.

Message anytime x

 

 

[MissStar1]

Thank I wanttobeme. It’s good to hear you are getting more good days then bad. I just feel constatly sick. I am trying to put him and what he is doing out of my head but we are currently sharing a joint accound to pay some of the bills and I can see he is still taking her places for the day and wining and dinning her with (our money) because how can he tell whats his and mine. It’s like a constant kick in the teeth. I feel like what did I do to deserve this.

I want to feel better.I am trying to put a happy face for my kids but its so difficult.

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