I think it can be quite an eye opener when you separate just how much you have changed since you lived with someone. Sometimes things that you used to love doing for whatever reason ended up being given up on, or took a back burner due to either childcare or focusing on your partner. It might be a hobby, or learning/studying or maybe even spending time with family or spending time with friends if this is something that they held you back with.
Although any separation is difficult it is also a new opportunity to find yourself again and meeting and spending time with people (even just making friends) is really important as it helps you become happy with yourself again. Moving on is more about finding yourself, defining yourself than trying to forget the past, or even trying to find someone else. It’s a time when other than your role as a parent, you have the opportunity for a bit of soul searching and finding your feet again, your identity independently of that of a mother/father, son/daughter, employee, or whatever else…. just focusing on defining yourself once more.
I’ve not personally had much success with Meetup due to the hours/days that I work but certainly my father who has recently retired is loving every minute of it and it’s been a godsend to him since his girlfriend passed away a couple of years ago. So I’d definitely recommend it to anyone looking to socialise as his calendar seems to always be full now!
Just to reply to JaRu above…. I think ever parent can feel that way after a breakup, it doesn’t matter if you have main custody or not. Any parent worth their salt wants to do the best for their kids, and their own best may never seem good enough and it’s certainly something that was at the forefront of my mind. If you are thinking that way though you are already proving the point though… you’re already demonstrating that your kids are your main concern, and that in itself shows what a caring parent you are . I am sure you had your reasons for walking, and yes I understand that as the person who does this it can make you feel like the villain. Sometimes staying is the worst thing you can do though and in time even young kids can realise that… sometimes they realise it before you can forgive yourself for it. One of these days though you’ll unexpectedly have your child say to you “everything is going to be ok” and “I know you’re doing your best and you’re doing great”, nothing can prepare you for how that makes you feel but in terms of moving on those are magic words from the one voice that really matters.
I really hope you feel better soon but please hang in there… you’ll get through this. 🙂
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