How can kindness make you feel so broken?

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    My DS is 9 – almost 10, and in P5. He has autism, and ADHD, and has struggled his way through primary school.
    He hasn’t ever been invited to a birthday party and rarely gets Christmas cards.
    Over time I have accepted that this is something that doesn’t bother him, and I’m more upset than he is about it. But tonight I’ve found a note in his bag, from a classmate. It reads “Dear A, I hope you have a stunning holiday and a wonderful year. Always be kind (try!)

    p.s I hope this isn’t weird, but I saw you didn’t really have any cards.

    There’s two parts of this that really got me.
    The first is that no one wants to give my child a card. He’s bright, and funny, and kind. And it hurts so ******* hard that people don’t see that.
    And the second is absolute joy that this other child has gone out of their way to include him. To pass on good wishes and check in with him.

    How do you all cope with things like this?

    Thanks in advance.

    #63966 Report


    As someone who has worked supporting adults with disabilities for my whole working life, try and shift the focus away from what he hasn’t received.

    A child chose to spread kindness to your son and noticed him, in a world where people who struggle can go unnoticed by the many but not the few.   An adult wouldn’t have added the ps, note, but being discrete about what we notice is something we learn as we grow, and if he hadn’t written the ps, you would have probably just seen it as a card from a classmate.  Look at the positives, somebody noticed and tried to make your boy smile. Despite everything else, that’s the true Christmas spirit.

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