How can I get access to my Daughter?

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  • #42717 Report

    LW95
    Participant

    It’s a long story but I’ll cut it short. I have a 3 and a half year old daughter. Unfortunately the relationship with her mother didn’t work out. We split up and got back together a couple of times since she was born and each time like a lot of break ups, they got nasty, out of hand, both me and my ex being as bad as each other. I’m desperate to see my princess February 2020 was the last time I was her and in the past there’s been months apart before I was given a chance to see her eventually. And the last time I spoke to my ex (argued with) and saw my daughter, my ex told me to take her to court if I ever wanted to see my daughter again. She’s said this numerous times but of course never meant it but now as the months are dragging on it’s killing me inside more and more every day being away from my daughter and I need to see her before it really does break me. I have a big issue though which is I wasn’t put on my daughters birth certificate, (not because I was unknown, because my exes friend told her to, her words) so obviously right now I have no rights to my daughter at all. Even though I have £283 a taken from my wages every month in child maintenance which was my exes decision not mine i always paid she claimed not to trust me to pay it myself. I just need some help or advice from someone that knows what to do or someone who’s been in this situation. I just can’t live without her in my life any longer. I can’t even bring myself to look at pictures I have of her anymore because it hurts so much not knowing if or when I’ll ever see her again. I’ve tried to co-parent and we can’t do it because my ex is best described a child with a child. Someone help me please I don’t wanna give up altogether

    #42722 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    This is an unfortunate situation as it’s my understanding that you can only be added to the birth certificate if mum agrees.
    In the absence of her agreement I think you can apply to the courts for a declaration of parentage. You don’t need consent from mum for this and the courts will, if the child is found to be yours through DNA testing, automatically apply for the birth to be re-registered with your name also on the birth certificate giving you parental responsibility. The fact you’ve been paying child maintenance should only go in your favour as it shows the court that mum accepts the child is yours.
    it maybe worth sending an email requesting mums consent to add you to the birth certificate first, as her reluctance to consent will demonstrate she’s happy to accept the cash each month whilst denying you and your daughter the opportunity of a relationship. I personally wouldn’t tell her your plan to make the application to the court.
    Above all this, I’d suggest you run the situation by a family law solicitor first and get their advice. If you chose to send an email to mum, keep it simple and non confrontational. Hope this helps

    #42728 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Agree with Greenfingers. You need to be added to the birth certificate through a declaration of parentage order. Then you need an access order that gives you access to your daughter at set times.

    Once you have access sorted, the whole arguing thing was difficult for me too until   someone said two things.

    1. Treat your ex as you would a customer. You don’t have to agree with them, you don’t even have to like them, but a calm professional attitude has a better chance of getting what you want.

    2. co-parenting is an 18 year stretch so pace yourself and learn to choose your battles.

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