How can I feel so lonely with 3 children running around the house? :-(
10 May 2018 at 8:01 pm #11205
I could have given many topic titles for what I am about to write.
My ex partner and I separated 2 weeks ago and I feel such a range of emotions: overwhelmed, heart broken, confused, exhausted, angry, sad and lonely are a few to be named.
I have 3 children aged 11, 9 & 4. I feel so bad as I am losing my patience with them easily and I’m not the happy, calm, patient mummy I was before the break up. I feel so emotional and lonely.
The break up has been complicated and my ex partners actions this last 2 weeks have left me confused.
I felt for 7years he could be emotionally abusive & unempathetic/had a short fuse towards both myself & the children, and so I told him months ago that I’d had enough & that if things didn’t change I would be leaving. Then one day we had another argument and he left, he also phoned the letting agents and threatened to smash the house up if he didn’t get his deposit back, to which their response was to ban him from ever living in our home again.
He apologised to everyone and has promised to get his life back on track and his family back with the help of anger management etc. and has even made the appointments already. He was being civil/nice with me for the last 2weeks giving me hope, until yesterday when he took our youngest out for tea. He dropped our son back home and I let him in the house as he said he would help me lift some heavy things in the garden, he just started being a bit argumentative with me. So I said I would ask him to leave if he didn’t stop, and so he didn’t stop, and I opened the door and asked him to leave, at which he got really angry and called me alsorts and I’ve not heard from him since (which is unusual for him as even when he’s angry he would text to vent his frustration).
I am so confused as I feel I had false hope of him making all these changes and promises as I could see how desperately he seemed to want to make things right. But there’s a part of me that wishes I could be strong enough to know that this is not right and to move on, and feel as though I will cope on my own with three children as I don’t feel I’m being a good Mum at all at the moment 🙁
It hurts so much to think of all the memories and what could have been. On the surface we seemed like the perfect family life, with 3 clever beautiful children, my ex is very handsome with a very good job and we have a lovely home in a lovely area and now I just feel everything is falling apart, I am failing and I don’t know where to go from here 🙁10 May 2018 at 11:13 pm #11223
You and your children deserve better than that. There is no excuse for any form of abuse and abuse comes in many forms as you have highlighted. In my experience men with those tendencies never change and often when women go back into a potentially abusive relationship after a split the abuse worsens so please be careful – I have been there myself.
It doesn’t sound like you are failing at all – more that your husband has let you all down with his behaviour, which is definitely not your fault. Be strong and go with your gut instinct and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Ring woman’s aid they have lovely people at the end of the phone on their helpline, even if it’s just to get your mind straight on what maybe emotional abuse or not? it’s all confidential and they can also help you with counselling to help you go forward with or without your husband. If you don’t feel up to speaking to someone directly take a look at the woman’s aid survivors forum there are plenty of woman in similar positions that can offer their advice and support.
It was a phone call to woman’s aid that gave me the understanding that my ex’s behaviour was not right and gave me the strength to leave and not give in to his attempts to get us back. Abusive men can be very manipulative when they start to loose control of the situation – Do you have a support network of family or a close friend you could confide in. Talking things over really does help x